This and That: Driving And Cars
Help - I am hopelessly lost and about to panic. Elsie Eva expresses some humorous thoughts on signs which car drivers could flash at other road users.
Don’t you just hate those signs displayed in the back of cars, proclaiming Baby on Board’? I know that this is neither a boast nor a complaint. It is telling me and other road-users to watch my driving.
My unspoken yet heartfelt response is ‘Never mind telling me to watch my driving, concentrate on your own’ In other words, to paraphrase the bible, ‘Never mind the mote in my eye, what about the beam in yours?’
In defence of such signs, it has been explained that should the vehicle be involved in an accident, the rescue teams would know to look for a baby. Oh yes? So why are such signs not removed when there is no youngster aboard? I would just like to have a sign that simply says, ‘So?’ But would my message reach its intended target, and would it be understood? I doubt it.
I’m quite happy with my car, small though it may be. Not for me all those refinements that have the motoring enthusiasts drooling. My car is reliable - it has wheels, lights, seats, radio, heater - all the standard requirements that I need. If it were possible, however, there are some additions that I would welcome. How about some signs that I could give to my fellow road-users?
Some years ago, a little girl in my class complained, “Graham just put two fingers up at me. And then he put three fingers up!” (No doubt the extra digit was included to emphasise the message. Or was it a new message?)
Similar digital messages, and worse are given by motorists; they are now quite commonplace. Of course, I can’t resort to such measures, remembering that I am a lady.
No, I want a variety of messages which will cover every eventuality. I realise that it would be impossible to have them permanently displayed in the back window of the car; they would have to light up at the touch of a button when the need arose. The list could include:
* Help, I’m hopelessly lost and about to panic.
* Sorry, I didn’t mean to toot my horn.
* Please let me in - there were no signs to warn of road works.
* I’ll let you in, just one car, not all six vehicles.
* I knew that was a bus lane, why didn’t you?
* Please don’t drive in the middle of the road - I can’t overtake you.
* I think 50 means that you can drive at 50 miles per hour - not 30.
* If you drive fast, get in front, if you drive slow stay behind me.
* Feel free to overtake: just do it safely, without endangering me.
Many years ago, I was given a sticker after passing my Advanced Driving Test. The sign said, ‘Advanced drivers do it carefully.’ I did display this sign for a time, but abandoned it on deciding that others would look upon this as a sign of supposed superiority. This would only lay me open to abuse and demand perfection from me. Which of us is perfect? We can all make mistakes.
I know that I will never have a car that can display the messages I want. Perhaps, after all, I should just stick with the one word message ‘So?’ (I could even print the sign myself.) That would keep ’em guessing, wouldn’t it?
