Poetry Pleases: The Tale Of Maggie Splatt
Brian Jenkinson tells us in this odd ode the story of Maggie Splatt, a maiden who was very fat.
This is the tale of Maggie Splatt,
A maiden who was very fat.
Her boyfriend when he tried to hug ‘er
Said, “Maggie, are you hoarding sugar?”
And all the folk around would come
And pass remarks about her tum.
So she applied herself with vigour
To exercises for her figure.
She fasted through the whole of Lent,
And when the forty days were spent,
She jumped upon the scales and found
Her figure had grown still more round.
The last straw came when, in distress,
She tried to buy another dress.
The shop girls, who were mostly scraggy,
Just stared at her. “Look here,” said Maggie,
“I’d like a dress for me.”
The shop girls murmured, “So would we.”
One day while reading from a book
She jumped up and said, “Mother, look!
Here is a different kind of diet;
I think that I am going to try it.”
Off to the butcher’s she went skipping
And came back with ten pounds of dripping.
Before the ending of the day
The dripping had been stowed away.
“Now look here, Mag,” said Mrs. Splatt,
“You won’t get thin with all that fat.”
Said Mag, ”A stone that’s needing shipping
Is worn away by constant dripping.”
