Open Writing

Last year whilst we were waiting for our house to be built Melanie was taken sick, as we hadn't registered with a local GP we went to the emergency unit in the nearby town of Monforte de Lemos, some 9 miles away.

Externally it looks like any modern hospital, where as inside it reminded me very much of Huddersfield Royal Infirmary 25 years ago when more money was spent on medical staff and less on slick suited, smooth talking designers. Perhaps the idea is, if you feel better about the environment you're sick in, you might get better? I wonder which highly paid government quango came up with that one?

After presenting the medical insurance card at reception we were asked to take a seat. The waiting room was a large square shaped room with metal framed moulded plastic chairs around every wall, leaving the centre of the room totally unused. Including ourselves there were about ten people waiting, pretty evenly spaced around the room.

After a few moments my eyes were drawn to the centre of the room, limping across the floor was a large bug. It was about 2 inches (4cm) long with two large rear legs, one of which appeared to be broken thus causing it to limp along.

My first thought was, "Look at the size of that! And in a hospital as well. Where are the cleaning staff when you need them?".

Then without moving my head and appearing too obvious, I surveyed the other waiting patients. It seem everyone was transfixed by the bug, no doubt willing it to walk away from them and over to someone else.

For a few minutes the strength of the undamaged leg meant that it simply went round in circles, but after a while it seemed to get the hang of moving in a straight line. The only problem being the straight line was in our direction.

Another quick glance round the room revealed their obvious relief, but by now I'd started thinking that like everyone else, perhaps it was just here because it was ill.

It had limped to within a metre of us. Now, what on earth should I do?

I was just about to have another quick glance round the room when, like a bolt of lightening. Melanie jumped up and stamped on it.

Once the echo had died down I looked round the room again. Eyes were looking anywhere except on us, and the squashed remains of this once injured bug.

Fortunately for all concerned Melanie's' treatment was much less painful and she was feeling better by the following day.

Now that we are settled in our new home we have of course registered with a local G. In contrast to the hospital, the doctors' practice is a very new and modern facility, which last week we had cause to use.

Once again finding myself in a medical waiting room, I quickly had a good look around the floor to make sure it was all clear - and of course it was. With no magazines to read I started looking at the notices pinned to the walls and the doctors’ names neatly typed on pieces of card and slotted in brass name holders on the surgery door.

Oh no! Second name down. Dr Chaos.

Comic book pictures flashed through my mind, "Batman saves the world against evil Dr Chaos.’’ "Dr Chaos and the virus of death".

It was just as my mind was hitting overdrive that the receptionist called me over asking in Spanish, "You're English?"

I confirmed that I was.

“Could you take this call then" she asked, handing me the phone.

It turned out to be someone calling from England wanting a the fax number.

So on this occasion, with the evil Dr Chaos out on call, I had to settle for saving the receptionist as opposed to the planet.