Simply Sue: A Sinister Organisation
What would happen if you tried to hurl a left-handed boomerang with the wrong hand? Sue Papworth broods upon sthe significance of Left-Handed Day.
At least National Left Handed Day got a bit of publicity this year. It usually gets the same amount of razzmatazz as National Bog Day, which was a week or so back and passed without any great public fanfares that I noticed.
Celebrations may be organised all across the nation every year, but all I ever heard of locally was a friend wandering out to chuck his left handed boomerang around a bit, whilst listing emphatically to port. (This could perhaps be something to do with the anti-clockwise corkscrew he got for Christmas, but then again that could just be a mischievous calumny, so I won’t mention it.)
I’ve for some time pondered what would happen if you tried hurling a left-handed boomerang with the wrong hand. Would it go away, and refuse to come back however much you whistled? Would it plummet like a brick? I wonder frequently, but I’ve never quite summoned the courage to have a go in case it hurtles away backwards, whizzes around, and cracks me over the front of the head instead of, more traditionally, the back. Not being sinister myself, I feel it’d probably be out to get me.
I guess if you’re left-handed, you probably feel that everything else is out to get you, when it’s persistently the wrong way round whatever you do, a bit like trying to do everything whilst standing on your head.
But at least you’re probably spared Organisers, which I think must be consolation for practically everything else. They make me feel like I’m doing everything standing on my head, whichever end I approach them from.
The next person who tries to sell me one of these ghastly devices - or, for that matter, a “unit’’ or a “dispenser’’ is in for a knuckle sandwich. Why on earth do people spend their days knocking out devices to make simple tasks more involved, and life more complicated? You are expected to get this thing, for which you have to part with real money, into which you spend a whole lot of time and effort inserting stuff in all directions, just so’s you can go to all the trouble of getting it out again every time you need it. Usually in a queue, with a dozen annoyed people behind you. Hmmm.
It all seems very sinister to me. But at least, they don’t seem to have got around to making them all in the special left-handed version.
Quick, maybe I should patent one!
