Open Writing

"Coffin - that's a good word"

Mary's arthritic fingers carefully placed the tiles in order on the Scrabble board.

"I've decided to have a cardboard one" said Margaret, her tired eyes squinting at the board trying to find a place for a 'z', a 'y', two 'ee's' and three 'i's'.

"A cardboard what?" asked Mary.

Margaret's voice rose several decibels to offset the chink of crockery as the trolley rattled in for afternoon tea.

"A cardboard coffin".

Mary looked affronted.

"I've never heard of such a thing. A nice bit of wood is what I'd like, French polished so you could see your face in it. Lovely!!"

"And how much d'you think that's going to cost - it'd be thousands - you mark my words".

"I've got the money put by - I intend to leave with a bit of style" said Mary crooking her little finger as she lifted her cup of lukewarm tea.

"I don't see the point - you won't exactly be there taking part will you? Well only in a bodily prone state I suppose. I reckon Undertakers make a pretty packet. You can't tell me they let all that good wood go up in smoke. As soon as the curtain goes across, out comes the body into a cardboard box and your nice bit of wood gets sold on to the next batch of grieving relatives".

Mary's eyebrows shot up forcing even more wrinkles across the furrowed brow.

"That can't be true - you're having me on".

Margaret shook her head making her long gold earrings dance vigorously from the sagging lobes. She leaned forward and her face assumed a conspiratorial expression.

"Now look around this room. There's twelve of us in here just waiting so to speak."

She paused waiting for Mary to grasp her meaning.

"In my opinion Nancy over there will be the first to go - even if she could stay awake long enough to eat her biscuit she hasn't got enough teeth to bite through it. We'll all be following along over the next few years. If I had my time over again I'd set up as an undertaker".

"Well I suppose you're right in a way, they'll always have trade, unwilling though the customers may be".

Margaret pulled her chair closer to her companion, her lined face lit up with enthusiasm.

"So how about this for an idea. We're all much of a muchness in size. Iris is about the biggest so if we had one coffin measured up to fit Iris we could use that for all of us. A really nice bit of timber would look posh so you'd be pleased; then into the cardboard box for the final Cheerio and bring the expensive coffin back here until the next one pops her clogs. If the coffin cost £2000 then that's 2000 divided by 12 - it would cost us less than £200 each. What do you think Mary? You could have your dignified send-off at a fraction of the price."

There was a lull in the conversation as Margaret used one of the f's from coffin with an e and z to add the word "fez" to the Scrabble board and thus giving her friend time to digest the idea.

Mary looked thoughtfully around the room. There was Iris still knitting her scarf, oblivious to the measuring up which was being organised for her. Little Laura sat dozing her tiny head gently nodding.

Mary giggled.

"You'd have to put a lot of packing in for Laura - she'd be sliding all over the place in a coffin made to fit Iris".

Margaret relaxed from the Scrabble game and regarded her companion with the oh-so-patient look of a born martyr.

"Well that sort of thing is just detail. Those little white polystyrene things would do the job - plenty of them packed around the body would stop any slippage."

Mary regarded her carefully manicured pale pink nails, her hands went up to adjust the white finely styled hair. Her eyes took on a faraway look.

"Well thinking about it I suppose we could spend the money on a week in Majorca. We used to have some lovely times in Puerto Pollensa when my Reg was alive. We'd have to get them all to agree though. You could do that Margaret after all those years spent working in the Estate Agents' office. You could sell ice to the Eskimos".

"Alright we'll put it to the vote but I'll have to go around to each one in turn to make sure they understand".

They all finally agreed although it was debatable whether a few of them fully understood. Margaret reasoned with herself that it was for their own good and that was justification in itself. The money saved not only booked a single room for each of them but it paid for three staff from the Rest Home to accompany them. Laura was the only one to raise an objection. Well it wasn't so much an objection as the fact that ten minutes after agreeing, she had forgotten all about it. They overcame this problem on the day by packing her case themselves and reminding her at half hourly intervals that they were off on holiday and she was quite content.

It was a fine June day when they all boarded the plane at Exeter Airport. Carefully packed in the hold complete with polystyrene ballast was a very expensive shiny new coffin.

Mary settled herself into a window seat and smiled.

"I am looking forward to this Margaret. I do think though that it puts a bit of a damper on things bringing the you-know-what with us".

"Well we have to be prepared for all eventualities" said Margaret as she settled herself into the seat and opened the travel Scrabble.

She looked at her first set of tiles and started to laugh.

"Whatever's the matter with you Margaret? I didn't think one gin and tonic would set you off already".

Then she looked down at the Scrabble board. The word sat firmly in the centre of the board. "FURNACE" it read.