Open Writing

This is about a letter that was in my mailbox the other day. It was addressed to Zoe Dunn at my address. Zoe Dunn does live with me so I took the letter inside and said to her:
“Here’s a letter for you.”
She stared at me. “You know I can’t read, so just open it.”
I opened the letter and read it aloud:

“Dear Zoe,

You are now due for your booster vaccination. This is necessary to protect you against feline viral diseases. Please ask Mrs Margaret Dunn to bring you to the clinic for vaccination.

Yours sincerely,
(signed by the Vets.)
Applecross Veterinary Centre.”

You will gather from this that Zoe is my cat. She doesn’t actually articulate words but makes a kind of telepathic communication by facial expression, eye contact, body language and claws.

When I had finished reading, she gave me a cold look that said…
”You’re not sticking me in a cage and driving me in your car to that Vet Place. The house is full of smelly dogs, all wagging tails and sniffing each others’ bottoms. They come over and stare at me with long tongues hanging out - and they are not friendly! Then the man sits me on a table, feels me all over with his big cold hands, then sticks a needle in me. I’m not going.”

I knew very well I would have the cage sitting outside the front door, pick up Zoe and pop her inside - all done at high speed. This would happen while she was having her afternoon nap so that she couldn’t read my mind and hide under a bed.

I put the letter on the carpet near her - she enjoys sitting on any kind of papers - newspapers, magazines, letters etc. She moved on to the letter, totally covering it, like a large furry bird sitting on an egg. Being a plump cat dressed in her thick winter coat with its flashes of ginger fur among the tabby stripes, I thought she looked so cute. A few minutes later there was a crunching, ripping sound and I was just in time to save the letter from being shredded.

At mealtimes when I put a plate of Whiskas, or Snappy Tom nourishing food in front of her, she looks at it with disgust.

“You know I don’t like this disgusting mush. I want real meat - beef mince, lamb or chicken livers, and biscuits.”

I explain to her how cats in other countries, e.g. Viet Nam, are treated: how cats are often the meat on the plates when people sit down to dinner. But she still gives me the evil eye.

When cats or dogs try this, don’t get into a dialogue or try to coax them. Put the food down, avoid eye contact, and walk away. After a while the plate will be emptied.

One day next week, Zoe and I will make our yearly visit to the Vets. She will miaow and grumble all the way, but when the vet is giving her a general check over and then administers the vaccine, she will be quiet and docile - putty in his hands. He will then scratch her ears and say “ What a good girl you are.” And gently put her back in the cage.

When we return home she will clean herself all over and settle down to another year of Good Living. She is not always a loving, affectionate cat, only cuddling up on my knee when we watch animal programmes on T.V., or snuggling in my bed on cold nights. But I like having her around. As the French would say - She is Formidable - and can always make me laugh.