Walking the Tightrope: Smacking
"Anyone who has ever had to deal with a major tantrum from a terrible two-year-old whilst trying to feed or change a new baby and read to their four-year-old, all at the same time, after weeks of severe sleep deprivation, will know that sometimes keeping your cool isn't so easy.'' says Sally Codman as she discusses the contoversial issue of whether or not to smack a child.
Confession time. How many parents can put their hands on their hearts and swear that hand has never, ever, smacked any of their children?
If you can, my reaction is that you are either the proud new parent of one tiny baby, a liar or a saint. I confess that in the past I have smacked all three of my children and I really don't think its done them any lasting harm.
Now that the 'to smack or not to smack' dilemma has come under the Government's spotlight, I'm very relieved that Eldest and Middle Daughters are much too big to contemplate smacking. Only Son, who is growing fast and at 11 comes up to my eyes, can only just be bested in push and shove play fights (and that's only because I have a considerable weight advantage). However he still has a way to go when it comes to beating Mr C at the popular father/son sport of carpet wrestling.
Now that the House of Lords has rejected an outright ban on smacking children, but backed the compromise of allowing parents to resort to 'mild smacking' - defined by 'smacking that does not involve the use of an implement, or cause bruises, scratches, reddening of the skin or mental harm' I'm starting to wonder if even play fighting is a good idea.
Fooling around is fun, and most young boys enjoy the challenge of a rough and tumble wrestle with Dad, but in the heat of the moment it is quite easy to inflict the odd scratch, bruise, or patch of reddened skin. Does this mean Mr C could be in serious trouble from the 'Family Police' if he accidentally bruises Only Son? Does he have any comeback against O.S. after being 'studded' and bruised during the rough and tumble of the popular Lads v Dads football match.
The Government is said to have urged peers to reject a total ban on smacking children on the grounds that it would criminalise parents who do smack their disobedient children. The peers agreed and voted 226 to 91 against a total ban.
Campaigners for a total ban said the 'mild smacking' compromise is a 'fudge' but I think that for once they got it right. Don't think for a moment that I'm supporting child beating. In an ideal world you'd never have to smack a child at all, but we don't live in an ideal world.
In an ideal world all parents would stay cool and calm under extreme pressure and provocation and enforce discipline by reasoning, grounding, or closing their purse strings. Anyone who has ever had to deal with a major tantrum from a terrible two-year-old, whilst trying to feed or change a new baby and read to their four-year-old, all at the same time, after weeks of severe sleep deprivation, will know that sometimes keeping your cool isn't so easy.
Under circumstances such as these a short, sharp tap is easier to administer and easier for a young child to understand.
How many of those pushing for a total smacking ban have brought up families of their own under difficult circumstances? Perhaps there are a few in the ranks of peers and MPs who make these decisions who will claim to have cared for their kids for several years. But I doubt they've done it 24/7 without the benefit of a nanny, partner, expensive private day nursery, and their own transport.
Before they continue to demand a total smacking ban I suggest they're sent to try coping with several young kids whilst living on a sink council estate in a small house (where the kids can't play out cos its not safe) on a tight budget, with no transport and see how long they remain cool, calm and collected.
On the other hand, how on earth is 'mild smacking' going to be policed? Should we expect Playgroup staff, teachers and neighbours to differentiate between marks on a child caused by rough and tumble games at playtime and marks caused by smacking too hard?
The BBC's Internet message board gives an interesting insight into what kids think about smacking. Just like adults their views range from those who think any smacking should be taboo to those who say smacking hasn't hurt them and that kids need discipline.
My own family tell me they were far more upset when they were younger and I shouted at them than they were by being smacked. This is another debate that will run and run.
