Fast Fiction: Ex-Wives
The tv critic wrote that he seemed to know more about the theory of marriage and less about the reality than anyone she'd met. And now the character in Richard Mallinson's short, short story is married to his third wife when something else turns up.
My first wife had a seductive smile and a number of other exquisite attributes.
She still has of course.
I saw her again after our divorce and her instant fame as a tv presenter. She and I were guests at the house of a rich German called Heinrich.
When it was time to leave I saw Heinrich kiss her. He whispered something to her and she tilted back from the waist and said, ‘Perhaps one day.’
‘I very much hope so,’ he said, sounding more English than the English.
Then she came up to me and said, ‘There’s no need to ignore me.’
‘What did old Heinrich want?’ I asked.
‘What do most men want?’ she retorted, pleased with herself.
*
While I was married to my second wife (who had a degree in culinary science, though she never cooked for me) my first wife turned up with a tv crew.
She wanted to interview me on the subject of marriage.
Afterwards I said to her, ‘Have you heard from Heinrich?’
‘Oh, yes,’ she said, ‘oh, yes indeed.’
*
After the programme had gone out one tv critic wrote that I seemed to know more about the theory of marriage and less about the reality than anyone she’d met.
‘Thanks for the compliment,’ I wrote to her sarcastically.
*
My third wife was the tv critic who’d said that I knew more about the theory of marriage than etc. She lasted a year and now (would you believe?) my first wife wants to come back.
