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Feb 02

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Letter To An Agony Aunt

Dear Auntie Thelma,
My wife has left me. My eldest daughter is pregnant and does not know who the father is. I have lost my job and my youngest daughter is on the game. On top of all that the dog has died and I have just burnt the toast. What should I do?

Forlorn of Bedford

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Dear Forlorn of Bedford,
What a lucky man you are. You no longer have to support a nagging wife and your pregnant daughter can stay at home and look after you. Your younger daughter should, with a little management, be able to provide for you all. And now you do not have to get up and take the dog for a walk, you can stay in bed and live a life of leisure.
Sorry about the toast

Auntie Thelma

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Dear Auntie Thelma
Whatever should I do
My wife has gone and left me
And run away to Crewe
Dear Auntie Thelma
I think I’m in a mess
My daughters on the game again
And my son has torn his dress
Dear Auntie Thelma
I’m getting in a stew
My manager just sacked me
And I’ve nothing left to do
Dear Auntie Thelma
Please forget it all
I’ve just won on the lottery
And I’m going to have a ball!

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