U3A Writing: Trials And Tribulations Of The January Sales
The wife queues to try on clothes, queues to pay for them, queues, queues, queues... In this funny poem John Kilburn gives a man's-eye view of shopping.
My wife likes to go shopping, as so many ladies do,
(Though when it comes to gentlemen, the same thing isn't true!)
Personally I hate it, I'd much rather not be there
But I feel I've got to help her, just to show I really care.
That Marks and Spencer is the worst, 'cos everywhere you go
There's ladies’ undergarments out in row on flimsy row.
It really is embarrassing - I quickly look away
But it doesn't matter where I turn, there's still more on display.
The queueing is what gets me, ‘cos it's never ever done,
She waits to choose the things she wants, then queues to try 'em on!
And when she's made her final choice - it’s taken half a day -
She walks down to the check-out, and she queues again to pay!
We used to go to a little pub for a tasty mid-day spread
But now that M & S sell food, a sandwich does instead,
And when our stay is over and I say "That's it then, is it?"
There's Browns and Boots and BHS just waiting for a visit.
And so the weary day wears on, I look to find a chair,
But whatever store we might be in, there never is one there.
I'd love a nice hot cup of tea, I’m really feeling blue;
But now she's in another line, she's queueing for the loo!
It can't go on much longer, does the woman never tire?
I hope we'll soon get home again and sit down by the fire.
And then she says a dreadful thing - I'm really overwrought!
We'll just nip back to Marks and get that bra I nearly bought!
