Open Writing

Well, this is an interesting subject, I know, and it’s a lot more fun talking about things that no one wants to bring up, so here goes.

Webster’s Dictionary gives Celibacy this definition: (of course I had to get out my magnifying glass to be able to read it!)
abstinence from sexual relations. I think that says it all.

I tried to look for quotes about Celibacy on the internet and in one search engine for famous quotations I got this response: Sorry, currently there are no quotations matching your keyword or phrase in our database. However, it would have taken me three months to read all the quotes I found for the word Sex. Hmmmm, what do you suppose that means?

The comedian famous for his obsession with sex and dying, Woody Allen says, “Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.” O.K., we won’t be going in that direction.

I will tell you this; I have been celibate for over 15 years now, by personal choice and I can tell you that it has brought on more interesting reactions and gossip than if I had become a prostitute!

People know how to deal with women who have sex for money - they abhor them, criticize them, condemn them to hell, stone them, rehabilitate them, tolerate them, pay for their services, or throw them in jail. We have all manner of social structures to deal with these hussies. But, what do you say to a celibate lady?

Want to clear out a room faster than a rabid skunk on the loose? Just announce to everyone standing within ear shot that you are celibate. Watch for the looks on people’s faces. They range from lifted eyebrows of “are you kidding me?”, to skeptical face twisting that says, “yeah, right, sure you are,” to frowns of “how dare you talk about sex”, to just dead silence and a blank stare, to “excuse me, but I think I have to go and brush my pet rat’s teeth now.”

Florence King, an American humorist and social critic said, “There is much to be said for post-menopausal celibacy. Sex is rough on loners because you have to have somebody else around, but now I don’t. No more diets to stay slim and desirable: I’ve had sex and I’ve had food, and I’d rather eat.”

Peter Devrise couldn’t disagree with her more as he proclaims that, “Celibacy is the worst kind of self abuse.”

I find this a fascinating subject and a vastly controversial one. Now, if I were married and celibate, I’d be called “frigid”, and that would be socially acceptable (which is not to put all celibate married women into the same category), but because I’m single, relatively young (52) and haven’t had sex since I was 36, I’m treated with suspicion, and peppered with that common language of all nations - gossip.

I’ve always felt sorry for people whose lives are so utterly boring that no one bothers to gossip about them. Unfortunately, I have never been that lucky. The universe seems to have placed me in the “what is that woman up to now?” category. Being that I am by nature very outspoken, I seem to draw attention to my life’s activities no matter what I’m doing. So, let’s explore this out in the open and maybe learn to laugh at ourselves.

Glenda Jackson, a famous British actress says, “The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life.”

And Henry Miller gives us his take on one of the human race’s favorite activities, or talk of it, “Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... the other eight are unimportant.” Are you noticing a gender division here on the pros and cons of celibacy?

I thought this was a very interesting and delightful observation by a gay woman, Lynn Layner, “The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.”

Now, just to help keep the gossip down a bit, I’m neither frigid nor a lesbian, (too bad too because I could be having an amazing social life what with all these great women who are available!) Both accusations have been directed my way because of my choice to remain celibate in spite of the fact that the entire universe has sex, talks about sex, uses sex to sell everything from dish soap to nose hair clippers to pet food, cars, and even burial plots, and is the main theme for 500% of the television shows blasted over the airwaves 37 hours a day. Boy, those space aliens picking up all of our radio and television signals must have decided that just about all we humans ever think about is sex. Well, war too, but that’s a story for later.

I am an oddity. I mean really, only priests and librarian’s don’t have sex on purpose, right? So, why did I chose this social stigma course in life? Because I was decidedly broken in the selecting of a non-alcoholic man with whom to have my sex. I tried drinking with men. I tried talking with men. I tried sleeping with men, and all I ended up with was an alcoholic who wouldn’t talk to me after we had sex. Why I have been broken in this category is another story for some other century. And with all the diseases that are out there these days just waiting for another host, who wants to become a walking petrie dish for sexual diseases. So, I do other things.

I am constantly creating things like wonderful sock puppets to give away to libraries, hospitals, teachers and special people. I write every day. I write poetry, novels, children’s books, essays, articles, thoughts, revelations and sometimes barely acceptable drivel. I do digital photography, very well I might add, gather with my amazing friends and family for feasts of sumptuous food, great wines, terrific conversations, and laughing sessions that can last for hours! I volunteer, write letters to the editor of our local paper, read books and take classes.

Now here’s an interesting take on women and sex. Friedrich Nietzsche who was born in 1844 and died (thank God) in 1900 wrote this ridiculous observation: “If a woman seeks education it is probably because her sexual apparatus is malfunctioning.” Well thank you for sharing Friedrich, now go to your room, and no sex allowed.

I like comedian Rodney Daingerfield’s take on sex in later years the best: “I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”

So get out your bibs and calendars all you fellow celibate gals, we’ve got some great eats to get to and a lot of volunteer work that needs to be done!