Open Writing

For the past 18 months I have been writing The Great (Kiwi, Saudi, Australian) Bestseller Novel (GBN). All good things take time, I know, but this looks like being an historic work of fiction by the time it is published. I am barely into the fifth chapter.

Many times during the day – and night – always when I am as far as possible from my silently mocking laptop, the most incredible plot twists and turns take shape in my mind. My suddenly convincing characters think up and act upon the most realistic yet shocking scenarios.

This book is going to be a major worldwide bestseller…..or at least it would be if I could get it committed to paper, or memory – the computer’s that is.

That’s the stumbling block. I go to great lengths to pay a babysitter for two hours, clearing the way to total immersement in my writing world. Free at last, I shuffle the contents of my desk, carefully stacking the last six months’ issues of Writing Magazine and Writer’s Digest, shove the latest letter – begging for a reply - from my Great Aunt Alma in the top drawer, boot up the laptop….and stare at the familiar blank page of my Word document.

I read the last few pages of my masterpiece to get into the storyline again then realise I am missing an essential ingredient – the coffee. After a trip to the kitchen I return with the largest mug I can find. After all, caffeine is essential to any serious writer. So is nicotine, I understand, however I have learned to cope without this artists’ vice. A nice glass of red would be helpful but is completely out of the question in Saudi Arabia.

Speaking of Saudi Arabia, this should give you a clue as to the genre of my Great Bestseller Novel. You guessed it . Political Thriller – full of espionage, frightening terrorism scenarios and new, but plausible, settings made even more real by the recent tragic London bombings. With every month that passes my GBN resembles more a work of non-fiction than the fiction it is intended to be.

As all the established writers say, where better to write but immersed in the culture and lifestyle of the target country? I could not imagine attempting such a novel while ensconced in my Mount Dandenong, Melbourne home in a national forest park – where I now find myself.

I am back in Oz for two months to avoid the hottest Saudi season and enjoy everyday luxuries such as driving and strolling supermarket aisles. However, while I have left behind temperatures of 50 degrees, I am now glued to the fireplace braving morning lows of four degrees.

However, the past two unproductive weeks have only proven my hypothesis – it is far more difficult to continue to write of sweltering Middle Eastern settings while frost covers the ground. If I found it hard labour before, it is solitary detention now.

Since my return to Australia I have uncovered a new addiction, one that takes hours of my time and costs me a lot of money, all the while never leaving the house.

Unlike writing the GBN, Ebay is bad for your health. You will spend hours sitting in front of a tempting screen,scrolling through thousands of shoes, handbags and Pumpkin Patch. You will drink far more coffee than you ever thought possible while spending mindless hours depleting your bank account.

It looks as though a return to Saudi is essential if I am ever going to complete my GBN – and save my (joint) bank account (and my marriage!).