Open Writing

Sunday, 24th July. On Wednesday Mother came with me to see Dr. Pavey Smith. We came and went back in a car. A Mr. Burnley of Rainton was coming to see Dr. Pavey Smith also. I enjoyed the ride very much. Every farmer, I may venture to say, is now busy with his hay. The weather has been fairly fine. Dr. Pavey Smith wished me to come in to the Infirmary.

So Sunday, 24.7.27, finds me in bed in No.3 Ward. Oh! How hard it is to be in bed at Midsummer.

I have just been looking out of the window at the blue sky with fleecy clouds floating occasionally across it. It is the shame of this ward that the lower panes of the windows are of frosted glass. I came in yesterday. My consolation -- I have just been reading my hymn book. Oh what great pure minds there must have been to write all the beautiful hymns there are. All the nurses are so kind. Nurse Hall is the staff nurse now. I think her personality grows more charming if that is possible. Dear Nurse Proctor came to see me last night. She is in the theatre now. Sister Thomas, who was night sister once when I was here has just been in. She has a beautiful face and lovely soft-grey eyes and a charming smile. Oh this mattress. My word. I know I’ve got some bones.

Monday, July 25th. The sunrise this morning was beautiful.
11 a.m. I have just been to have my neck cleansed for operation. I have been reading Kenilworth, one of Sir Walter Scott’s books. It is very interesting. I chose to bring it because it is a classical book. I like the classics. 1.30 p.m. I will read my hymn book now for consolation. At 2 o’clock I am to go to the O theatre for operation.

Tuesday, July 26th. I am feeling much better now. 7.30 p.m. I have been able to get up to make my toilet which is wonderful. I went under the anaesthetic as well as I could expect. I felt very ill and sick when I woke up. I felt a little better. Now I am much better. I have had very little pain in my neck since I had it dressed this morning. It is now fairly comfortable. I have finished Kenilworth. Nurse Hall is going to lend me a book. The nurses were very kind to me when I was waking up after the operation. Oh! How gently Nurse Hall raised me to put a pillow under my head. And bathed my mouth so gently. I will never forget their kindness. Well, it is visiting day tomorrow so I will lay me down to sleep in anticipation.

Wednesday 27.7.27. 7.30 p.m.

Now the day is over.
Night is drawing nigh.
Shadows of the evening
Steal across the sky.

Today has passed happily away. We have each had our share of visitors. Alice, much to my delight, came to see me. The Misses Silversides also came. I do love them. They and Alice brought me some small comforts in the way of food. Alice also brought me some flowers from a kind lady, Mrs. Huson, who lives at Sowerby. In particular some Madonna lilies. I have a passion for flowers. But one flower kindles that passion into a flame, and that flower is the Madonna lily. The peerless beauty of the stately rose and the sweet soft modesty of violets and pansies and other flowers, much praised and otherwise, rouse but a spark. What can compare with the grace and purity of the Madonna lily? However, all good things come to an end some time, and my visitors are long departed from the ward. I do not daily note the time of rising, but it is always the same, 5 a.m.

Thursday, July 28. 8.30 a.m. Oh dear, oh dear. Nurse Hall is going to leave us. She is going to have her holidays of three weeks. I could wish she could come back before I go, but I do not wish to stay all that while, so I do not. And I must not grudge her her holidays. They are well earned.
11 a.m. Oh, I could jump for joy. I am going home on Saturday. When Sister told me, I could hardly believe it. I am glad now for Nurse Hall. I wrote to Auntie Fanny this morning. Those Madonna lilies are not in the ward because they bring death or some such rubbish. How silly and superstitious some people are. I did think better of the nurses. A new patient has come into the ward. I have made a short poem up about larks.

Friday, July 29th. 8 a.m. Nurse Pape is on the ward in Nurse Bland’s place now. She is very nice. I was rather nervous when I was going to have my operation. It was all I could do to keep the tears back when I was in the theatre. When the anaesthetic got worse and worse, I cried out in my mind, “Jesus. Jesus.” And in the end I sank into merciful unconsciousness. I have, as then, often comforted myself with this verse.

Perhaps the dreaded future does not hold such bitterness, as I think.
The Lord may sweeten the waters before I stoop to drink.
But if Marah must be Marah, he will stand beside the brink.

Sunday, 7 Aug. I have been home again a week now. It is nice to be home again. Dr. Mitchell says I have to live out, so I go out a lot. A favourite spot is the old quarry. It is a lovely spot. All hills and dunes and hollows. I have not been to Sunday School today. It has been too late each time I have finished my meals. On Wednesday Mother and Alice and I went to a Divine Healing service at Ripon with Mrs. Lancaster and her blind daughter, Beaty. I liked it.

Sunday, August 28. Arose 9 a.m. It is rather rainy. I have been to Sunday School. It is a long time since I have written in my diary. Many days have gone by uneventful. Some with their little events. None with any very great events. Harold is home from Cliff for the summer vacation. I am out nearly all day long. The grain harvest is begun. Soon the fields of yellow grain will be no more. Nothing will be left but the bare stubble to tell of well-filled barns and a harvest that has passed. We went with Mr. and Mrs. Barley in their car last Wednesday to Harrogate. 14.8.27 we went to see Miss Silversides. She has invited me to go for a holiday. I think I will be going soon. I do like that part of Harrogate, and I love the Silverside Sisters. The weather has been very bad lately. But I think it is mending a little bit now. A fortnight yesterday the village sports took place. I dressed up as a nurse. I had bottles and pill boxes all over. I got first prize in my class 1/o. I had my photo taken. I look so well and happy on the photo. It has come out well. I did feel lovely. If anyone looks at my photo, they will see how happy I feel. Oh I seem so well fitted for it. And yet I can never see my dreams, my favourite ambition, materialise.