U3A Writing: Sky At Night
What if the figures in a sculpture could talk to each other? And is Sheffield ready for Henry Moore? Derek McQueen tells a very funny tale in the form of a play.
Derek is an artist. To see some of his colourful and humorous picture visit http://www.derekmcqueen.com
It’s March, 2005 and we are in the magnificent Millennium Galleries, Sheffield, which is displaying the prestigious Tate sculpture exhibition, ‘The Human Figure in British Art – Moore to Gormley’.
The centre-piece of the show is Henry Moore’s wonderful bronze, ‘King and Queen’. The superbly appointed gallery is quiet as closing time nears. A few, last-minute visitors wander between the exhibits. Suddenly the Queen speaks.
Queen:‘Don’t look now, but I think the woman in the maroon hat is coming over, with grey overcoat. I don’t know about you but I’ve had enough for one day.'
Maroon Hat peers at the exhibit and reads from the adjacent plaque: ‘This is unusual Jim, Henry Moore - ‘King and Queen’ I thought he was dead. I did like ‘Sky at Night’ though. Clever man. Fancy doing this sort of thing as well.'
Grey Overcoat, a little exasperated: 'No love, not Henry. You’re thinking of Patrick. He was the one with the monocle. This is Henry. He did all those drawings of Londoner’s sleeping in the Tube stations in the war.'
Maroon Hat: 'Why are they sitting on a bench? Royals don’t sit on benches, not half dressed, anyway. Peculiar, if you ask me.'
They look at the heads of the King and Queen, then shake their own heads and move on.
King: ‘Told you Sheffield would be like this, didn’t I? We’ve not been sitting on this damn bench since 1957 to listen to this stuff. Why couldn’t he have made us a throne each anyway? At least we’d be able to relax a bit. I’m stiff as a board.’
Queen: ‘We’ve just got to stick together until we get back to London. The time will soon pass dearest. You wait and see.’
King, beginning to lose it: ‘Stick together, stick together. We are stuck together. He stuck us together when we were lumps of clay. Made me look stupid, with this hen face. And look at my crown. Oh, no, you can’t turn can you, sorry. It’s ridiculous. At least you have an eye and some hair. Nice breasts too. I’ve thought that for forty-eight years.’
Queen: ‘Well I never, King. Very nice of you to tell me that. And to think that all these years, I’ve been worrying that they’re a bit on the small side. You’ve been fancying me all these years. I’m so relieved. You don’t think they’re too wide apart do you?’
Maroon Hat and Jim have moved to Keith Armitage’s nearby piece, ‘People in the Wind’, a much smaller bronze.
King: ‘God knows what they’ll make of that. They’d have been better with Barbara’s ‘Two Figures’. At least it’s got holes they can look through.’
Maroon Hat: 'There are five of ‘em in this piece Jim. People. ‘People in the Wind’, it says here. Do you think they’re holding their raincoats out to catch the wind? He hasn’t got the necks right either. They’re too long. It might be one of his early efforts?’
Queen: ‘Keep still King. I think they’re coming back.’
King: 'Is that supposed to be funny? I’ve not moved in half a century.’
Maroon Hat: 'We’ve only got five minutes to the bus, Jim. You know, I really do like ‘King and Queen’. They’ve both got beautiful feet. The hands are a bit ‘iffy’ though. He was probably getting a bit fed up when he got to the hands.
Jim: ‘Who?’
Maroon Hat: 'Moore of course. Don’t forget he had an almanac to write as well.'
King: ‘Roll on April 17th.'
