Open Writing

As Bluey walked into his neighbour's workshop he heard Bill cursing ‘Damn, bloody screws.’

‘What are you up to mate?’ Bluey was always short on greetings.

Bill looked up from the jar of screws he was searching through.

'To tell ya the truth, Bluey, I'm getting damned savage. I bought this bracket yesterday at Builders World in High St. and now I can't find screws to go through the holes.'

'Don’t get yourself into a knot. Take the bracket back to the store and find screws that'll fit. Make sure you have the receipt for the bracket with you or they’ll rip into you to pay for that again. Sit down for a minute and I’ll tell you what happened to me at that joint last month'

Bill listened to his mate's story with a half smile but he was more than a touch dubious.

‘Okay,Blue, I’ll give it a burl.’

Bill checked he had the receipt and drove to the store. He pushed through a long queue of people waiting for a sausage from the barbecue promotion near the entrance. He quickly found the screws he wanted, had a quick look around, returned the bracket to his pocket and went and paid for the screws.

Bill headed out of the store but the smell of onions frying tickled his nostrils so he paused at the end of the sausage queue. While he stood dithering, a hand fell on his shoulder. Bill turned his head and looked into the eyes of a tall bloke, built like a brick dunny, wearing a badge that announced .... Charles Linley, Store Security.

'What’s your problem?' an indignant Bill pushed the hand off his shoulder.

'Will you please come with me, sir, to the manager's office?'

'Why, what have I done?'

'We believe, sir, you have something on your person that has not been paid for.'

Some of the sausage sizzle crowd became interested and gathered round. Not wanting a scene Bill turned and headed back into the store.

'Where's the manager?’ he demanded. 'I'm getting fed-up with this nonsense.'

'We'll take the lift, sir.'

The store manager's office was on the third floor. 'Come in' he called, when the security man knocked on the door. The manager smiled and asked his security man, 'What's the problem, Charles?'

'I believe this man has something belonging to the store which he has not paid for.'

'What do I have?' interrupted Bill.

'A wall bracket' a confident Charles replied.

'I have a bracket in my pocket' Bill admitted 'and I also have the receipt I got when I bought it here yesterday.'

A smug Bill watched the colour drain from the face of the manager and the scowl he threw at Charles. Charles was seriously examining the receipt.

'I'm very sorry sir. I've made a mistake.'

The manager looked at Bill and said, 'Sir, we've wrongly put you to a terrible inconvenience. I apologise on behalf of the store.'

'Hang about a minute. I don't think that's enough,' Bill said. ‘This bloke accused me of theft in front of a crowd at the sausage sizzle.'

'We realise we have treated you badly and would like to make it up to you in some way,' the manager offered in his best placatory tone. 'Would you please accept an offer of dinner for two at any restaurant of your choice?'

Bill knitted his brows and looked thoughtful. 'I suppose I shouldn't be too hard. Like you say, everybody makes a mistake sometime. I'll accept your offer of dinner for two. I'll have it for the Rosewood Room at the Hylton.' After handshakes all round, the manager escorted the pacified customer to the front entrance.

Bill drove home chomping on his sausage and onion roll, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and whistling My Way. When he saw Bluey cutting his lawn, he tooted the horn in a merry jig. At the same moment, he had a cheeky idea to stir Bluey.

'How'd you go, mate?' Bluey asked. 'Did you get the screws?'

'I sure did. That was a bloody good lurk you put me on to. I made a couple of furtive looks about me before I put the bracket back in my pocket. I could see the store cameras were on me.

As soon as I produced the receipt they offered to send me and the wife to that plush new resort up the coast for a week-end.’

Bluey looked at Bill and his mouth dropped open with shock.

‘Heck’, I settled for a dinner for two.’