Open Writing

The morning after she woke Julian Hoddle, Holly
logged on to the computer and presented it with an idea
that had been growing in her mind ever since the meteor
strike. She was in her private quarters; for some reason
that she could not explain, even to herself, Holly didn’t
want any of the others to hear it, at least until she knew if
there was a chance of it succeeding. She opened a channel
to the artificial intelligence through her own terminal, and
smiled when the hologram’s New York tones sounded
out.

“Hey, doll. What’s happening?”

“Hello, Doctor, how are you?”

“Fine, babe. What can I do for you?”

Holly hesitated, then said, “I’ve got an idea that I want
to bounce off you, see if it’s viable.”

“Sure, bounce away,” the computer replied.

Holly sat on the edge of her bunk, her chin in her
hands. “I may be wrong, but I seem to remember someone
on earth conducting experiments in regeneration of brain
tissue, and having some success. Do you know anything
about that?”

The computer replied immediately. “Sure do. A team
at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore was doing it. They
apparently were able to increase the brain capacity of
some rats, made them smarter.”

Holly thought for a moment. “Could we do it here?
Use it on the sleepers? What was the technique
involved?”

“Pretty simple, really,” replied the computer. “They
subjected the rat’s brains to a massive injection of super-
oxygenated blood, while at the same time passing a mild
electric current through the brain, thereby inducing a
mild epileptic seizure. Needless to say, they were pretty
surprised when it worked, but not at all surprised when
their bosses refused to allow them to try it on a human.”

Holly shuddered. “Neither am I. It sounds far too
dangerous.” She thought for a moment, then said, “Still,
our particular guinea pigs don’t have a lot to lose, do
they? But maybe we should think about it some more
before we make a decision.”

Holly was quiet for a moment, then the computer said,
“Holly, may I ask you something?” When she agreed, it
said, “Have you given any thought to turning back?”

At first, Holly didn’t know what the computer was
talking about. Then, as the implications dawned on her,
she stared at the terminal in shock. “Turning back? You
mean, back to earth? But…” She stopped, amazed at the
suggestion, and equally amazed that she hadn’t thought of
it before. Of course! Go back to earth!

Once there, the sleepers could get the medical
treatment they needed. Maybe they could even be cured,
she thought, her excitement building; surely medical
science would have advanced sufficiently after all this
time. Holly did some quick mental calculations. By the
time they got back, almost four hundred years would have
passed since they had left earth, and it would be the early
twenty-sixth century.

That made her think; would she even recognize the
place, and would the people still be what she would
recognize as human? The more she thought about it, the
more apprehensive she grew. What if they didn’t
remember her and the sleepers, or the ship? Or even the
mission? What if they had to leave again? The idea of
becoming a kind of Flying Dutchman of space made her
shiver, imagining being condemned to travel through
space forever, unable to land anywhere.

She expressed these thoughts to the computer, but it
was unable to give her any comfort; as it had remarked on
other occasions, speculation was not its forte. As she left
her quarters and headed for the dining area for her midday
meal, Holly reflected that she would have to give any idea
of turning back a lot more thought. And right now, any
appeal it might have was definitely mixed.

When Holly entered the dining room, the others were
already there, and were being looked after by Jase. The
handsome computer technician was proving to be of even
more help than Holly had anticipated, and as she sat down
he looked up from the plate from which he was feeding
Chrissie van der Merwe, and smiled.

“H-hi, Holly,” he said, stumbling over the words.
“Gonna g-get some lunch?”

Holly smiled back, and tried to hide the sadness
underneath. He was such an attractive man, and it broke
her heart to see him like this. They had talked a little
about the accident, and Jase had been disarmingly matter-
of-fact about his disability. He claimed that he couldn’t
remember much from before, when he had been normal
(as he put it), so he didn’t really miss his old self. But
once or twice, Holly had seen the despondency in his eyes
before he remembered to hide it, and she felt for him. The
others, with the possible exception of Caleb, were much
too far gone to even be aware that there was anything
wrong with them, and could be treated like very young
children. Holly found her experience as a teacher was
proving to be invaluable in this respect, and most of the
time she found caring for four severely retarded adults to
be less difficult than she might have expected.

But if Caleb was aware, and Jase even more so, Julian
Hoddle seemed, to all intents and purposes, almost
shockingly normal. Thinking of the English doctor
reminded her that she hadn’t seen him for a while, and she
looked around the room. Hoddle (she had found that she
couldn’t call him by his first name, something she found
+odd) was not there, but just as she was wondering where
he was, he drifted into the room.

“Hello, hello, here we all are,” he called, bright and
breezy and radiating good cheer. “Time for some n-nnosh
then, is it?”

He still stuttered slightly, but only occasionally, and it
was the only outward sign that anything was amiss. He
collected his lunch from the autochef and moved to sit at
Holly’s table, and Jase moved to make room for him.

“Well now,” he said, “what’s on the agenda for
today?”

Holly looked at him and shrugged. “What agenda,
Doctor Hoddle?” she asked. “I don’t even know what to
do next, never mind have an agenda.” She considered for
a moment, then decided. “I do want to run an idea past
you though, all of you,” she added, turning to include the
others. The three women and the Russian didn’t look up
from their meals, but Caleb and Jase watched her
attentively. She glanced at them, then continued.

“The ship’s computer had a rather novel suggestion to
make just now; I must admit, I feel a little foolish for not
thinking of it myself.” She went on to tell them about the
possibility of turning back, of going back to earth. As she
expected, Caleb and particularly Jase showed interest, but
it was Hoddle’s reaction that surprised her.

“No, we mustn’t do that,” he said, staring at Holly, his
hands gripping his lunch tray. Holly looked at him
curiously, and started to say that perhaps they ought to at
least consider the idea, and the doctor exploded.

“I SAID NO!” he shouted, slamming the tray on the
table, sending food flying in the zero-gee atmosphere of
the room. The three women looked up at this, their
expressions fearful and uncertain, and Holly stared at the
Englishman in shock. Yuri Selenkov started to rise from
his seat, the beginnings of a frown creasing his broad, flat
Slavic features, and Holly motioned for him to sit back
down. She started to say something, to get Hoddle to quiet
down because he was frightening the others, but the
Englishman calmed before she could articulate the
thought.

“No,” he said quietly. “We cannot go back. We have
left all that behind us, and we can only go forward.” He
looked at Holly, and just for a second she again had the
thought that his eyes looked odd, as though they were,
just for a second, a different color. Before she was even
aware of it, the flare was gone, and the charming, urbane
Englishman was back.

“Forgive me,” he said. “I’m afraid I’m rather p-
passionate about the mission.” He smiled shyly. “I hope I
didn’t alarm anyone.”

Holly watched him closely, but the doctor’s smile
seemed genuine, his flash of temper gone as though it had
never existed. Gradually, warily, the others in the room
returned to their meals. Hoddle got up and collected
another helping from the autochef, then sat back down.
Holly tried to engage him on the subject of a return to
earth, but he would not discuss it, saying only that it
would be a bad idea, but not giving her any reasons for
thinking so. After a few minutes, she gave up, and turned
her attention to Jase and Caleb and the others. The
problem of whether or not to return at least Chrissie to the
sleep cells still occupied her thoughts, and she was
considering one or two of the others as well.

There didn’t seem to be much point in procrastinating
about it; they weren’t going to be of any help to her in the
running of the ship or in reaching a decision on their
future course, and while she worked her way through her
reconstituted bacon and eggs she came to a decision. She
would put Chrissie and Cathy Marshall back to sleep; Li
Chiang and Yuri Selenkov could wait a while, the Russian
in particular might even be of some help given Hoddle’s
earlier violent reaction, but the other two were definitely
not going to be of any help. She also resolved not to read
too much into Hoddle’s display; the man was obviously
severely traumatized. Good God, she thought, imagine
going to sleep a super-genius and waking up ordinary!
That would be enough to tax the temperament of a saint.

She glanced at him again, but Hoddle appeared
normal, eating and smiling, sharing a word with Jase and
Caleb. The thought that he had not stuttered at all during
his display of temper occurred to her briefly, but she
pushed it aside. Through her work with children, she
knew that even severe stutterers had been known to lose
their impediment briefly during moments of high
emotion. She decided she was going to have to learn to
make allowances for them all, even those who seemed
least affected. Holly sighed to herself. It was a trying
situation, and she had the feeling that it would get worse
before it got better.

And there were just four days until turnover.