Here Comes Treble: The Dangers Of Negative Speech
"Each act of violence hidden from public knowledge is likely to be repeated, probably with greater force. Broken bones, rape and even murder can follow. Violence feeds on deceit; it escalates when hidden or ignored.... It is time to stop this flow of deception, which leads to gossip and lies; which feeds violence. It is time to move away from the negative.'' Isabel Bradley has some serious and constructive suggestions for the best path to follow in this new year.
New Year is a time for reflection, for re-evaluation of the way we live and what we can do to improve.
This year perhaps we should evaluate the idioms we use. How much does our daily language influence our thoughts and actions? How much have old adages and idioms, handed down from grandmother to granddaughter over countless centuries, contributed to the telling of lies, to unhappy marriages, to abuse of women and children – and of men – to rape, and to murder?
Society’s accepted norms are expressed in daily sayings. Imagine: a child drops a slice of bread and butter. Mum plops it back on the plate, smoothes the butter, hands it back to the little one, saying, “Give this to Dad. Least said, soonest mended!” With these four words, Mum is encouraging deceit.
Each act of deceit makes the next easier.
In more serious circumstances, concealing unpleasantness can have dire consequences. Idioms justify hiding bruises, and the violence that caused them: “What the eye doesn’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over…” After all, “you’ve made your bed, now you must lie in it,” so there’s no sense complaining. Besides, you can once again apply those four little words, “least said, soonest mended”: If you don’t talk about things, you can pretend they haven’t happened and no-one will make a fuss. These small phrases arise from the type of thinking that created the proverb, “A woman, a dog and a walnut tree – the more you beat them, the better they’ll be!” Doesn’t “the end justify the means”?
Each act of violence hidden from public knowledge is likely to be repeated, probably with greater force. Broken bones, rape and even murder can follow. Violence feeds on deceit; it escalates when hidden or ignored.
As recently as twenty years ago, people didn’t talk openly about abused children, battered wives, or any other atrocities. Neighbours may have gossiped: “Did you hear about Mrs. X? She went to hospital with a broken jaw – she said she fell, but – well, I’m sure – you know…” This certainly encouraged victims to be ashamed of their sufferings, rather than to confront the violence, to “show and tell”.
A valuable warning comes from another, less familiar idiom: “gossip and lying go hand in hand”.
Idioms have their equivalents in most modern languages, not to mention in Latin and ancient Greek. For instance, whereas many European languages agree that “all roads lead to Rome”, the Japanese say that “every road leads to the Mikado’s Palace”. The English will take “any port in a storm”, while Arabic nations will accept “any water in the desert”.
Humanity, no matter its race, religion or gender, has evolved its thinking along similar lines. The use of idioms is not exclusive to English speaking people, it is universal.
It is time to stop this flow of deception, which leads to gossip and lies; which feeds violence. It is time to move away from the negative.
If each of us thinks in positive terms, speaks positive words, and acts with dignity and integrity, society will gradually be freed from violence.
With universal agreement, such things as the abuse, abduction and murder of children; the battering and raping of wives; the neglect of old people; the bombing of innocents; and the waging of war, will be unthinkable.
There are as many positive idioms as negative: “every cloud has a silver lining” creates far happier images than “every light has its shadow”. Isn’t it better to think that “time cures all ills” rather than that “time destroys all things”?
Instead of hiding the ‘dropped bread and butter’ incident, the child should be taught to clean up, apologise, and begin again more carefully. This would create the opportunity for the child to develop integrity; to learn not to deceive, while recognising and rejecting deceit in others; to live with dignity; to recognize and halt unacceptable behaviour before it becomes a habit. She should be allowed to “strip the bed she’s
made” if it doesn’t suit her, and “find a better bed to lie in” – or at least re-make the original to her satisfaction; be encouraged to tell others of her fears, worries and experiences; to share her knowledge, so that “to be forewarned is to be forearmed”.
Let us leave the past behind. In preference to “forgive and forget”, yes, let us forgive ourselves and others; accept that what has happened in the past is unchangeable; learn from our mistakes, and move into a positive way of thinking, talking and living.
Until next week – “here comes Treble!”
