Here Comes Treble: The "Treble'' Truth
The musical population is just as much a cross-section of humanity as any other group of people. There are good, mediocre, bad and sometimes downright evil people who are also, incidentally, musicians, says Isabel Bradley.
Recently, I heard someone say, “But all musicians are nice people, it goes with the territory, doesn’t it?”
As a musician, I beg to differ. Unfortunately, the musical population is just as much a cross-section of humanity as any other group of people. There are good, mediocre, bad and sometimes downright evil people who are also, incidentally, musicians!
“But – they sit up there on the stage, all dressed up in their tuxedoes and bow-ties, the ladies in their long black dresses, looking so elegant, so cool and refined, and making such beautiful sounds! How can they be even close to human?”
Let me take you to the pub, where the orchestra members have gathered after a symphony concert. Bow ties are hanging loosely around sweaty necks, top buttons open showing odd bits of hairy chests; women are leaning against the bar, drinks in hand, or gathered together in little groups.
If you eavesdrop, you’ll learn a lot:
“Tony cracked the entry note in that horn solo tonight – you know, he’s hitting the booze again, I could smell it on him before we went onstage…”
A man staggers past, red-faced, pinches the speaker’s well-rounded bottom. “Hallo, Darling – gossip.. gossip… talkin’ about me again, are ye? It’s just ‘cause… you got a crush on me…!”
“Oh Tony – give it a rest…”
We move further into the pub, overhearing snatches of several conversations:
“Did you know that Jill has a thing going with Tom? What? Oh – Jill’s the second flute, so timid you’d think butter wouldn’t melt… Of course, you’re new here, you don’t know everyone! Tom’s the timpanist. He’s hot, isn’t he? Wouldn’t mind having a bit of a fling with myself…”
“… Who needs a conductor anyway! Fancy wanting me to play that opening phrase all in one breath, what does he think I am? … Did you notice, Peter fluffed the entry in the third movement of the symphony – he’s struggling to see but won’t admit it. He thinks he knows all the notes and everything, but I think it’s time he moved over so that Joe can be in the front desk, Peter shouldn’t lead the viola section any more; it’s not the first time he’s fluffed an exposed piece… besides, Joe’s so much better-looking!”
“I’m so tired of playing the same old crap over and over again – what did Beethoven know, anyway? He was just a grumpy old drunk who took three lines to end a symphony when two bars would have done! No-one could live with him! Why can’t we do some of that fascinating Schönberg? Damn audiences, don’t know good music when they hear it, just want the old faithfuls over and over again… Boring! I’ve got an interview tomorrow for a job as a systems analyst. Wish me luck…”
“Did you know, old Robert’s coming back to the ‘cello section. Mmm – he’s served ten years, is out on bail. Oh, didn’t you know him? He killed his fiancé and her lover in a rage when he found them in bed together. Better be careful around him – don’t want to accuse him of playing a wrong note, or anything!”
“Damn union, they can’t agree on our rates; and the conductors never know when it’s time to take a break or stop the rehearsals. This morning we went on and on and on. I was late fetching my kid from school, she moaned at me all the way home, it was like listening to the conductor all over again.”
“I don’t know WHY they asked Pat to play first clarinet – I’m so much better than she is. It’s just because she’s bonking that pompous prat, Leonard the Leader.”
Musicians are as human as anyone else…
When they’re on stage, all “dressed to kill”, with their instruments in action and the conductor waving his baton, they do make glorious sounds together. Quite enough to transport one to a higher plane of living.
On the whole, musicians are terrific company. They’re inclined to be intelligent, interested in and knowledgeable about a wide variety of subjects. Often their sense of humour is quite delightful.
A last few words on the subject: it may be possible to tell the “good” from the “bad” by the quality of the music. A beautiful sound, a joyous lilt, a hint of guts, all are pointers to the person who is blowing, scraping or banging, up there on the stage in front of you!
Like any other group – medical professionals, accountants, priests, teachers – musicians are human beings, whether good, bad, indifferent or evil. What sets them apart is the privilege of sharing that special gift of music, with each other and with the world.
Until next week – “here comes Treble!”
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