Open Writing

My father and the other apprentices with whom he worked were notorious practical jokers to each other and on any other unsuspecting person who happened along. I wonder if their behaviour would be tolerated these days. The way Dad described it though it was all harmless good clean fun. Some of it was, but there were times when, I believe, they pushed the boundaries.

Here is one such story as he might have told it: -"Lull (Llewellyn) and I were walking along in front of a couple of the other apprentices through the gate of the Apprentices Home one night after being to the pictures, when Lull saw a huge King Cobra slithering across the driveway. He quietly picked up a half brick from the edge of the path and flung it at the poor creature breaking its back. The mortally wounded snake kept trying to spit its venom at our faces, and we, knowing that cobras can spit well over six feet, kept our distance. Lull ducked around the snake, ran upstairs to his dormitory and came back with his hockey stick. He was a very strong young man. As he ran past the now half-dead creature, he whacked it with such force that he sent it flying through the air end-over-end.

At that very moment Jock (another apprentice) rode through the gate on the Home’s only bicycle shared by all four hundred of us. The airborne snake wrapped itself around Jock’s neck. Jock screaming in terror let go of the handlebars as he tried to dislodge and remove the horrible thing. He and our precious bicycle crashed into the hedge. Fortunately the cobra, whose body was still writhing, was quite dead by this time. Snakes do that you know.

While some of us went to see if the bicycle had been damaged, a couple of others quickly helped Jock untangle and remove the snake. When he stood up, Jock saw Lull laughing his head off. Jock became so furious that he started pummelling Lull. Jock, I might add was a small fat fellow and no match at all for Lull. However, Lull didn’t fight back, he just fended off Jock's blows and apologised profusely saying again and again "I didn't mean to do it, M'n." When Jock finally did calm down we had him laughing too.

Lull, realised that George, another apprentice and a close friend, had not returned from his tomcatting. Lull held me back from going upstairs with the others to their dormitories. He then picked up the now rather battered snake and we took it inside. While Lull propped up the Cobra's body with twigs and pebbles on top of the Late Register, a large leather-bound book the latecomers had to sign and put down the time of their arrival, I removed the fuse for the lights in the hall. We then both crept upstairs and told the others what we had done.

Those who wanted to be in on the joke, picked up their hockey sticks and joined Lull and me to wait at the top of the stairwell.

It wasn’t too long before we heard George whistling as he strolled up the path quite unaware of what was awaiting for him inside. Not being able to get the light switch to work, he lit a match, and instead of seeing the Register, saw the gaping fangs of our ‘friend’ inches away. ‘Snake!’ he screamed and fled out of the building. That was our signal, down the stairs we raced and smashed the table, the book and the snake with our hockey sticks.

Gaffer McDougal, our elderly house parent, came rushing into the hall in his nightshirt from his quarters next door. 'What the bloody hell do you ten thousand horsepower idiots think you are up to now?" he yelled. Those of us who were able to control our laughter in a straight face pointed to the remnants of the snake lying amongst the debris on the floor. "My God! Maggie!' Gaffer yelled out to his wife, who was standing outside on the steps alongside George both peering in looking petrified. 'Come and look at this, - the poor laddie could have been killed.' Gaffer’s Scottish brogue was accentuated as he pulled the unwilling old lady inside. "

According to Dad the Apprentices Home management and staff never found out the truth.

Another of Dad’s 'true' story's occurred shortly before he was married.

After completing his apprenticeship, he, his friend Lull (Llewellyn) McGuire and their Shikari gun carrier friends Malkeith and Maiman Singh often went hunting for deer, wild fowl and wild boar. One day Maiman asked Dad if he would shoot an old panther that was attacking the village cattle. There was also the danger of it taking a villager, especially one of the children who were often on their own tending the animals. Being either lame or old, the tiger was not able to hunt for its usual prey. Dad agreed and had planned to go with his friend Lull the following weekend. For some reason Lull was unable to go along and Dad had to go on his own. He decided against taking Maiman as his gun carrier as he only intended spending just a few hours in his quest.

Dad started out very early in the morning on foot from the village with his rifle, a water bottle, a shoulder bag, some spare ammunition and a few chapattis wrapped in banana leaves prepared for him by Maiman's wife. The day was hot but Dad was soon in the shade of the dense jungle his eyes and ears sharply attuned to the cries from other creatures warning him of the panther’s whereabouts. The tiger's spoor led him further into the jungle that he intended. He was so intent on tracking the animal that he suddenly realized that nightfall was imminent. Knowing that there would be no moon that night when darkness fell the jungle would become pitch dark. He had to find a safe haven and find it quickly. He could not use a tree as a refuge as panthers are very capable climbers nor could he stay on the ground. He was becoming quite concerned when he noticed a small building in the leafy gloom. It turned out to be a small ancient Hindu temple with a single entrance and inside, almost filling the whole space was a battered old charpoy (string cot). Dad lay down on its slack hemp fibres resting his rifle across his thighs pointing towards the doorway, his finger on the safety catch at the ready. Exhausted from his long trek in the heat, he was soon asleep.

Very late that night he was woken by a pale light flashing rhythmically across the wall behind him. More curious than alarmed he soon realized that it was a person walking carrying a kerosene lamp. A white bearded old man in a loincloth suddenly appeared at the open doorway with the lamp in one hand and a lathi in the other. Raising his hand to Dad he said softly in Hindi, "Don't move Sahib." He put the lamp down and struck hard twice at something under the bed with his staff and without giving my sleep-befuddled father time to respond, picked up the lamp, salaamed and was gone.

When dawn eventually broke, Dad peered nervously under the bed and saw the remains of a huge King Cobra.

He returned to Maiman's village to thank the old man, whom he assumed had come from the village, for saving his life and to tell Maiman of his lack of success with the hunt.

He found to his amazement that the villagers did not know anyone fitting the old man's description, nor was he ever seen or heard of again. The panther too, apparently, never returned.

© Clement 2006