Open Writing

It has felt like a long, long week. We are coming up to the end of term so the students are panicking that they are going to fail their end of term tests (meaning they can not go up to the next level).

To be honest, a large number of students have every right to be scared as the majority have somehow wormed their way through the system but are not up to the required level, and we have been ordered to tighten up our marking system to prevent cases such as students who cannot even form the past simple tense or spell the word ‘hobby’ graduating to pre-advanced level.

Anyway, to get to the point, one of my pre-intermediate 4 classes complained to the management that the grades I gave them for their (horrible) writing were too low. The management had to come to class and give them a lecture while they all wagged their fingers and screamed at me. Very, very stressful!

Also as part of the preparation for the end of term, I had to check the spellings of all the students’ names to ensure they’ll be written correctly on their certificates. Forgetting that I’d written little comments in the register next to each name, I handed the register to the students for verification. Suddenly an angry voice shouted, “Why have you written slow next to my name?”

Uuurrrrrr horrible, horrible; what was I to do?

“Err..” I explained, “I meant you were slow to come to class because you came late once, I think, didn’t you?” (very few students arrive on time so this was the safest thing to say).

“It was only once!” he replied abruptly. Incidentally, he was the instigator of the uprising concerning the writing marks. Worse was to come. When the register had finished its little journey around the class I glanced down to check I’d written no comments. Here’s an extract:

Samia: fat, hot
Gamal: very, very stupid
Moustafa: big nose
Mohamed Sabry: egg-like

Back in the staffroom, I checked through the registers I had already let loose:

Ahmed Ali: very annoying
Nevine El Sayed: sleepy, not pretty
Nevine Mohamed: pretty
Osama: big eyebrows
Ayman: always late
Amir: always scowls, angry-looking

These comments are not intended to offend students; quite the opposite. It is out of respect that I am making an effort to learn their names, and with 100 new students every 8 weeks, a quarter of whom are called Mohamed or Ahmed, it is essential. In my first term at the school I found myself with a wad of certificates to write including eight Mohameds but I had not learnt to distinguish between them. I had had to wait until they entered the classroom for their certificate, whereupon I checked their name and wrote it hurriedly. Those who didn’t come to certificate day and needed their certificates posting were very lucky as they all got grade B for very skill except writing, for which I gave them a ‘C’.

Anyway, back to the present week. I had another little mishap in my Upper Intermediate class on Wednesday. Ironically I was doing a split listening with students (the class divides into two halves and each half listens to a different side of the same situation. After, they compare the versions), when the tape split! The students thought it was hilarious. I, on the other hand, did not, as the resource staff in the teachers’ room can be very unfriendly and do not act kindly if you make their job difficult.

I’m also expecting a complaint from the Director as I made a comment which he may not approve of, in the very serious termly ‘information session’ ie. Staff meeting. When the website co-ordinator was announcing a web competition for young learners he asked if any of us were teaching any at the moment. Although none of us are, he mistakenly thought I might be and so asked me. I replied that I was not but that I often feel as though I am (insinuating certain things about my adult students.). Everyone laughed uproariously; were they laughing AT me or WITH me? I am expecting a complaint about my comment in my inbox as members of the all-Egyptian registrar team were present.

My private student took me and my flat-mate out for dinner to celebrate having finally got his exam out of the way. We went to a really nice fish restaurant called “Smakmak” and ate barbecued white fish, tahine, onion-fried rice and salad in the restaurant garden. The hedge was strung with fairy lights. We had the garden to ourselves as the Egyptians love their AC so much that they were all sitting indoors. They probably feel they pay more for the priveledge of AC than for the food.

Upon asking why the restaurant was called “Smakmak” I discovered that this is the Egyptian name for fish…shows how much Arabic I have picked up since I came here.

My student seemed to annoy Maha as much as he did me so now I don’t feel so guilty about feeling agitated with him. Once more he was lamenting, what was he to do without my company now that the exam was over, and was there still no chance I could find a lady friend for him? What else? Yes, he gave me the oddest leaving present; two 5 litre tanks of pure mango juice. He didn’t even bother to check that I like it . One is in the freezer and the other is gradually going down. I must say I am not a big juice drinker. I mainly mix it with yoghurt for my cornflakes and that’s about it. Therefore, it isn’t really appropriate. Still, I will try my best to finish it.

One final little glimpse into my life. Here’s a little extract from a student’s timed writing exam. He was supposed to write a letter to a penfriend. In one part he was supposed to describe what he’s been doing recently and in another, to invite the penfriend to stay with him in Cairo. Here are the highlights of the piece:

“ I have been stading with the Bitch recently……………..I wish you will came to egipt we can going to Hurghada for seeing the buteifil bitches….”

Translation:

“ I have been studying in The British Council recently. …………I hope you can come to Egypt. We can go to Hurghada to see the beautiful beaches”

At least I am hoping that I am not the ‘bitch’ he has been studying with!