Open Writing

‘Listen to this,’ she said to me
As she looked at the local Rag
‘A Cat Food Special’s on this week
And it comes with a very small tag
Only two ninety nine for four big tins,''
She said as she plotted and planned
‘Teeth cleaning biscuits I’ll still have to buy
But the rest of your food will be canned.
The Meat bill for you has been astronomical
I’ll save money if I buy in bulk
It may not taste like the food you’ve had
But I’ll ignore you, if you pull a sulk.''

I couldn’t believe what she had said
So I just bared my teeth in a grin
If she wants a war, she’ll soon learn
Its The Cat who always wins.
A strategy’s needed, I’ll make a plan
For I mean to give her a fight
I simply won’t go without my Chunky Beef
Though I’ll kill a fat mouse for tonight.

So off she went to the grocery shop
Feeling ever so pleased with herself
And back she came with twenty cans
Which she stacked upon the shelf.
That night a plate she offered me
I sniffed and turned away
I wouldn’t eat El-Cheapo food
Not in any way.

This war had really started now
The stakes were mighty high
I’d pretend that I was starving
It was sure to make her cry.
Later on that evening
When I was in the yard
I ate a tasty mouse
While the dog sat there on guard.

I thought my plan was shaping up
When next morning, on her bed
I purred myself quite silly
Wondering what I would be fed.
Well Madam seemed enchanted
Although my purr was meant to weaken
The food she later offered me
Wasn’t to my seeking.

I didn’t groom myself again
As days were passing by
Rough and shaggy was my coat
My purr was just a sigh.
She pretended that she didn’t care
Said that soon she’d phone the Vet
It was time that I advanced my plan
I’d hardly started yet.

I’m going to cut this story short
For those who don’t meow
If this war is to be won
Out-think her I must now.

I told the Dog about my plan
He gave his full support
Said if I succeeded
She would lose but naught
For he would eat the cat food
It was something he could master
Just warned me to be careful
Told me not to court disaster.

After school was finished
There were children on the street
I found a sweet and gentle girl
And meowed around her feet.
‘He’s lost’ she said ‘I’ll take him home.'
She lived two streets away
She brushed my coat and asked her mum
If maybe I could stay.
Her mother said they’d advertise
So it was best to wait and see.
I wondered, would ‘my mum’ freak out
When I wasn’t home for tea.

The Dog’s story when I saw him
Told how each and every night
She kept calling Pussy, Pussy
Yes, she really had a fright.

The paper finally ran the ad
She found me safe and well
Said I was insensitive
That she had gone through hell.

Now twenty tins of cat food,
To her accountant's grief
Are being fed to the dog, while
Yours Truly’s back on beef.

You must never underestimate
Us precious little sods
Only the best is good enough
For Cats descend from Gods.