Pins And Needles: Three Shots A Day
"Current research points to a regimen of daily drinking as one step in our journey to maintain good health,'' says Gloria MacKay. "I have no problem finding time to floss and exercise is at least a sometimes thing. But this drinking! Increasing my alcoholic consumption is the toughest behavior change I have ever attempted...''
Gloria is a lady who has fun with words, and fun with life. For more of her exuberant columns please click on Pins and Needles in the menu on this page.
Grandma was ahead of her time. Her nightly nips of Lydia Pinkham’s, an alcohol-laced nostrum, were not dabblings in dissipation; on the contrary, Grandma in her wisdom was practicing preventive medicine.
Current research points to a regimen of daily drinking as one step in our journey to maintain good health. These findings, as far as I can tell, have been duplicated, replicated and confirmed. Drinking must become a part of our health care routine, along with such things as flossing and aerobic exercise.
I have no problem finding time to floss and exercise is at least a sometimes thing. But this drinking! Increasing my alcoholic consumption is the toughest behavior change I have ever attempted. I don’t even have the support of my family, which became evident when my son called me just the other evening.
"Whatcha up to, Mom?"
"Hello Scott. I’m just sitting here having a beer."
"A beer? I didn’t know you liked beer."
"Beer is just okay, but it’s handy and I can drink it right out of the bottle."
"Mom, when did you start having beer handy?"
"Don’t tell me you have forgotten about about my New Year’s resolution already? If you recall, I have promised myself for years that I was going to drink more, but I could never find the time to get started. This year I’ve decided to switch from gin and all that lime slicing to nice cold Dos Equis. I don’t even have to dirty a glass."
Scott ceased speaking, for him a very unusual circumstance, indeed. Actually, I thought we had been disconnected. However, I finally detected his muffled voice talking to his sweet daughter, Carly.
"I’m on the phone with grandma, sweetheart. I know you have two grandmothers — one who drinks and one who smokes. I’m talking to the one who doesn’t smoke."
Scott sounded tense. He shouldn’t worry about me. Research sets limits on the optimum amount of alcohol that should be ingested and I plan to follow the guidelines exactly. We are advised to limit our consumption to no more than three drinks a day.
Three drinks a day!
Do they realize this adds up to twenty-one drinks a week? How can I do that and still go places? Going places has become a very important part of my life.
When I was a young mother we usually stayed home. Today's toddlers perch sprightly in their own upholstered car seats as they eat, sleep or play their very own CD's in their very own CD players using their very own headphones. No wonder kids these days take to going places with equanimity.
I remember my four sons bouncing around in the back of the station wagon, jabbing elbows, sitting on half-used packets of catsup and whining, "When are we going to be there?"
Consequently, we didn’t "be there" very often. Now, at a time in my life when I can go any place I want any time I want to and stay as long as I like, this research has to come along and spoil my spontaneity. It is not just the time it takes to prepare and drink, for instance, three gin and tonics a day, it is the waiting around for the alcohol to dissipate from my blood stream so I can back down the driveway that kills me.
Until I devised my new plan I was convinced I was going to have to give up everything I loved in order to stick to my New Year’s resolution: my bridge; my writer’s groups; going to the library; having lunch with friends. Shopping. I would have to give up shopping!
Luckily, I remembered my grandmother’s favorite expression. "There is more than one way to skin a cat," she’d say. She was right. I have decided to set every Tuesday aside as my health and fitness day. I think I can toss down a week’s worth of alcohol — all twenty one drinks — in one day. I will begin before breakfast and conclude sometime after the late night news.
As long as I am not going places on Tuesdays I will have time to tone up my muscles on my skiing machine while I infuse some much needed alcohol into my circulatory system. After I become better coordinated I may even manage to floss at the same time.
It is looking more and more as though this is one New Year’s resolution I’m going to be able to stick with. Nothing can stop me now, unless, of course, that son of mine decides to ring me up on a Tuesday.
