Fast Fiction: Delia's Egg
…Granville Yardley, a businessman, said to his wife, 'In future I would like you to boil my egg Delia's way.'
His wife glared at him. 'Sod Delia's way,' she said, 'I'll do it my way.'...
Could you guess what Yardley carries in his briefcase? Richard Mallinson reveals the secret in this early-morning tale.
Granville Yardley, a businessman, said to his wife, 'In future I would like you to boil my egg Delia's way.'
His wife glared at him. 'Sod Delia's way,' she said, 'I'll do it my way.'
'Suit yourself,' he muttered, chewing toast.
Next morning he said, 'I haven't time for breakfast'. He left the house and drove for a few miles, then parked. Carrying his briefcase, he went into a cafe.
'Could you do me a boiled egg the way Delia does it?' he asked the large shaven-headed man behind the counter.
The stench of the place made him queasy.
'Oo?'
'Delia ... Delia Smith.'
'Yeah, Delia,' said one of the men munching at the tables. 'I seen er on telly an I wouldn't mind er boilin my egg.'
'Nan, no boiled eggs ere, mate,' said the man behind the counter, 'only the breakfasts as shown.' Yardley guessed that he was a retired wrestler.
'As shown?'
'Yeah, on the meanu,' said the retired wrestler, pointing with a dirty finger at some scrawls on a piece of paper in a plastic folder.
'Well, I'll have the first one, then, whatever it is,' said Yardley, swaying.
That's the big un,' said the retired wrestler. 'Everyfink, eggs, bacon, beans,
sausages, mushrooms ... a real old fry up' - at which point Yardley fainted.
*
Later, in an upstairs room, the retired wrestler said, 'Let's see wot's in is bag.'
A hollow-eyed woman, still in her nightdress, said, 'Urry up, then.'
'Be quiet or I'll smack yer arse.'
'Yeah, you and oose army?
'Bloody ell,' said the retired wrestler, opening Yardley's unlocked briefcase and taking out How To Cook by Delia Smith, 'is that's all that's innit?'
