Open Writing

As Great'ma drifted off to sleep, her thoughts were of Jeffrey's mother, Dottie's daughter and her granddaughter. All that time ago, and now the memories brought with them all the hurt feelings of those past years.

She woke later and remained lying down. Then Delphine came through the door with her evening tray. Always a very light meal at this time. She began to sit up, but to Delphine, looked more fragile than usual. Putting the tray down on a side table, she went to help saying, "You are not so perky this evening."

"No. This old lady is not. I remember a film, an old black and white one. The bride got shot on the wedding day. There's not much that I recall about the actual plot. It's the ending where the groom, having lived his life, dies sitting on a bench. His bride of years before comes to him all young-looking and dressed as on the wedding day. She holds out her hand to him and he says he is old. But then gets up and is returned to being the young bridegroom. In my mind sometimes I am young again, but it is the reverse for me. I wake up to the fact that I am very old."

She looked at her granddaughter after saying this, having before kept her gaze on her hands.

Delphine was shocked at the vulnerability she saw. Everyone was aware of the physical fragility. It was there for all to see. Now she was faced with an insight that, to some extent, undermined her view of Great'ma's character. She was unable to respond, and the moment was gone when she was released by a command to bring "the old Lady's tray" across.

Turning in response to this, she thought, I must say something. "It does suit you? These rooms? Being here?"

She picked up the tray and took it to the bed. Great'ma smiled at her. "I'm alright now. A momentary lapse. Yes I am fine. I appreciate everything you do for me. And I like to see you each evening when you come like this."

Delphine put the tray onto a table that swivelled across the bed and sat herself down in the bedside chair.

"This afternoon Jeffrey was commenting on the fact that you seemed to have thought about everything. He says that reading your notebooks is making him think a lot more."

"He asked me if I believed in God."

"Yes, he mentioned that. He is considering whether your explanation fits with his own beliefs. The idea of God as complete consciousness. He asked if you had been to university."

"If you read, you learn. Women didn't become intelligent through education. They need education because they are intelligent. If God is complete consciousness, it has to include all the planets and universes. Great thought that."

They both sat quiet for a while.

"I was asleep in the garden... I fall asleep on and off you know. Waking up to the seeming tranquillity there, it is hard to believe that everything is eating everything else."

Delphine chuckled. "You would think that."

"Yes, but it doesn't make the scene any less beautiful. Everything costs, but that's not the main story."

"Story?"

"The fact that we are conscious of it. Don't you think that is the wonder?"

"Jeffrey is now reading the Bible. What has surprised me is that Cynthia is encouraging him. She is reading it with him."

"Yes that is a bit.…"

"Fluffy, her friend is also reading it. She would like to come with Cynthia to see you some time."

"What is she like?"

"Nothing like her nickname. She strikes one as angular rather than fluffy. Beside her it is my daughter who is soft-looking."

Great'ma reflected for a while. There was often this silence between the two women.

"Reading the Bible?" she finally asked.

"Jeffrey has this interest in ideas. Margaret says it has always been like that even when he was much younger. She thinks that's why he is so taken up with your notebooks. One thing you have written puzzles him; it seems, you have put TIME SPACE WORD in capital letters with question marks after it."

"Have I? But why the Bible? It's a great read, if nothing else. It's just that in the present climate, one doesn't expect it, I suppose,"

"Well, no doubt on his next visit he will tell you. You don't remember the time, space thing then?"

"No, I can't say I do."

Another prolonged silence ensued, broken again by Great'ma.

"What I would like now, when I get up, is to get properly dressed, if that's possible,"

"I'll have a word with June, though I must say you always look rather spectacular in your flashy dressing gown."

"Have I got clothes here?"

"To tell the truth, I am not quite sure. Hilda bought your things to make these rooms more your own. I will have to ask her." Delphine looked at her watch. "Are you going to settle down yet?"

"No, not just yet, but you go on."

There was a quiet good night from each with a wave from Great'ma as her granddaughter left.