Open Features: Celebration Rebound
...I know without a doubt that when we reach out to one another across time and space, and when we attempt to help, to pray for, to console, to council or support one another, good things just have to happen...
Ellie Braun-Haley tells of coping with the greatest loss that a mother can experience.
It happens with regularity and yet each time it does I am still amazed. Each time I help someone it seems that I also benefit! This most recent demonstration of ripple-effect goodness took place as I struggled and reflected on a problem. A grieving mother needed help. She was depressed and had a problem regarding the loss of her son.
Now many of us have lost a loved one. My only son was killed at age 17. It shook my world so badly that I never thought I could ever regain my balance. So it seemed ideal that I should try to help another mom because I had a full understanding of the problem.
This lady was depressed and becoming very anxious as the birthday of her deceased child drew nearer. How could she get through this difficult time? Well when she wrote to me it was only weeks before my own son's birthday. My past handling of this problem for eleven years has been poor! I ran from the pain, kept very busy and tried not to think about it. I cried off and on through out the birthday.
Now I was being called on to help someone else so I had to examine the problem more objectively.
Suddenly and with great ease an idea came to me. The answer seemed so obvious. I suggested that she needed to celebrate the life of her child. (Yes we both did!) We needed to focus on the time that we had shared with them, on the laughter and sunshine they had brought into our lives. So my next problem was to come up with some suggestions for celebrating the life of her son.
I provided her with a list of nine ideas, ways for celebrating this upcoming birthday. But things didn't stop there.
I began thinking about that short list of ideas and wished it had been longer. I decided to call on the troops! I mailed out forty letters to friends asking them for their ideas. Within two days, my list of nine had grown to fifty. Some people sent in one idea, some four or five. The suggestions ranged from simple to elaborate. There were ideas that involved gardening, butterflies, baseball, gifts for others and service to others. The list was marvelous! I became excited each time I brought in the mail because even after I put it all together, more ideas trickled in!
I didn't realize what an effect all this was going to have on me until a couple of days later.
My husband and I were getting ready for a big book launching celebration and the museum where it was to be held scheduled it for April 3, the birthday of my son. I met up with a friend and wanted to invite her to the book launching celebration. I said, "we are having a special function to celebrate the publication of our latest book, War On the Homefront. Can you please come? Oh and guess what day this is on? It is my son's birthday. Isn't that marvelous?" As I said this I grinned and looked happy.
She stared at me with a look of disbelief! She knew how difficult it was for me to get through special occasions yet I was looking joyful. That was the moment when I realized that something wonderful had taken place for me. For the first time in twelve years I was truly anticipating my son's birthday I wanted to celebrate his life.
I realized that in trying to alter the perspective of one grieving mother, I had changed my own.
I know God puts people in our lives whom we are meant to help and I wanted to help this mother deal with her problem. I had no idea there was help coming for me too! Now I see that God had an even greater agenda. In helping her I helped myself. Good deeds often yield great blessings and I am overjoyed at what has happened. I am still marveling at the change that has taken place in my life.
I know without a doubt that when we reach out to one another across time and space, and when we attempt to help, to pray for, to console, to council or support one another, good things just have to happen.
I have also discovered that now it does not matter if I celebrate Jason's birthday right on that special day or if I honour him on any day in that month, or in that year!. Now I am just thrilled that I do want to celebrate his life. I feel as if I have just stepped out into the sunshine! Now my tears are for the joy of knowing him.
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Ellie Braun-Haley shaley@telusplanet.net Author of a Little Door, A Little Light as seen at http://www.evrcanada.com (EagleCreek Publishers)
POST SCRIPT Please contact Ellie Braun-Haley if you wish to have a copy. Just ask for the Celebrate Life list.
The memorial site to my son Jason is up if you wish to visit.... hereis an URLs for you>
Jason's memorial:
