Open Writing

Bogbury Gazette, 27 August 1958

Little Bogbury celebrated its annual village fete last Saturday afternoon. This ever popular event was held on the cricket field, and was opened by Lady Cissington of Bogbury Manor.

Not that old trout again, Edie. Why can’t we get someone famous, a film star or something?

But Fred, Lady Cissington’s well known in these parts. Anyway she’s aristocracy.

That Lady Barnett on the television then; she’s aristocracy too. Why can’t we get her? At least she’s got a bit of charm about her.

But she’s not local, dear. Bogbury Manor’s just across the road. Lady Cissington is a villager, just like the rest of us.

So why don’t we hold the fete in the Manor grounds? We used to when her husband was alive.

A full range of attractions was on offer and provided a feast of enjoyment to the large number attending.

Same old things, year after year. I don’t know why you make me come. I’d much rather have stayed home. There’s racing from Newmarket this afternoon.

Since when have I ever been able to make you do anything you didn’t want to do, Fred Emmet? Admit it now: you’re here, not because of me, but because you’ve entered that precious marrow of yours in the vegetable competition.

If that’s the case, I’ll stay for the judging - only so I can see the look on Harry Slater’s smug face when I beat him this year - then I’m off home.

The stalls were run by various local groups. Among the most successful were the coconut shy, run by Little Bogbury Scout Group. . .

They must have glued those coconuts down, Edie. You saw how hard I hit that middle one and the damn thing never even quivered.

Yes dear. Never mind. Try the darts. Perhaps all those hours you put in at the Rose and Crown might bear fruit yet.

the darts stall by the Friends of Little Bogbury School . . .

You have to admit that the flights on those darts were all bent.

If you say so, Fred; but I seemed to manage all right. I didn’t win a prize of course, but my score beat yours.

Pah! Beginner’s luck!

the rifle gallery by Little Bogbury Football Club . . .

The barrel of my rifle was like a banana. Buffalo Bill himself couldn’t have hit a barn door at five yards with that thing.

Never mind, Fred. It’s all in a good cause. Try this stall instead. It’s purely a game of chance: all you’ve got to do is use a fishing rod to hook a duck with a lucky number on it and you win a prize.

and the Hook a Duck stall by the Ladies’ Circle of St Cyril’s Church.

You’ve won! There Fred, your luck’s changing.

A teddy bear! What in God’s name am I going to do with a teddy bear? An ugly brute too.

You can give it to little Martin next door, that’s what. It’s his birthday next week.

That certainly makes me feel a lot better! Wasting good money on that little horror.

Cheer up dear, the beer tent should be open now. That’ll brighten up your day.

Of course no event like this passes without hitting at least one snag. In this instance it concerned the beer tent, which was unable to open due to some mix up in arranging a license. But it’s an ill wind, as the saying goes. The adjacent tea tent, run by Little Bogbury Women’s Institute, enjoyed record takings.

Never mind, Fred. Here’s a nice cup of tea to cheer you up, and a slice of Mrs Herbert’s seed cake.

Seed cake! You know I hate seed cake.

Do you, dear. You’ve never said. Ooh look the raffle! Now our luck’s changed we should buy a raffle ticket.

There won’t be anything worth winning.

Of course there will. See now, the main prize is a hamper from Harrods. Look it’s even got a tin of asparagus.

Asparagus! I hate the stuff.

There’s a bottle of port too. You’ll like that. Get a ticket for me will you, Fred . . . green, it’s my favourite colour, and number two five one if it hasn’t gone, my lucky number.

Musical entertainment was provided by Bogbury Silver Band.

That lot again. They come here every year and play the same old stuff. It wouldn’t be so bad if they could play in tune.

I think they’re very good.

You’re too kind, Edie, that’s your trouble. They’re rubbish and you know it. Fortunately I don’t have to stay and listen to them. The vegetable judging is just about to start in the marquee.

I find all that hanging about for the judges’ decisions tedious, Fred. I think I’ll stay and listen to the band, if you don’t mind.

Suit yourself. Stay here if that’s what you want.

Good luck with your marrow, dear.

For the third consecutive year, the prize for the best marrow was awarded to Mr Harry Slater.

All right, so his was a bit larger than mine; that doesn’t mean it was better. Size isn’t everything. Don’t snigger like that, Edie. Oh brilliant, now it’s raining. That’s it. I’m off home.

But the raffle, Fred!

Sod the raffle. We don’t stand a chance of winning it anyway.

Wait, Fred. What’s that yellow all over your shirt?

Oh God, it’s that damn teddy bear. The rain’s making the colour run. That’s a perfectly good shirt ruined. I’m dumping this animal in the first litter bin I see.

Can’t we just wait for the raffle, Fred? I’ve got a good feeling about my ticket.

You stay if you like; I’m off home.

The Raffle raised a record sum this year. The amount was augmented thanks to the generosity of Lady Cissington, who made the highest bid for the Harrods hamper, which was auctioned off after the winning raffle ticket (Green No. 251) was left unclaimed.

This rain’s getting worse. We’ll have to hurry. With a bit of luck I’ll be in time for the football results. Who knows, I might have won the pools.

You say that every week, Fred, and it’s never happened yet.

A man can dream, Edie. A man can dream.

***

Bogbury Gazette, 3 September 1958

TRAGIC DEATH OF LADY CISSINGTON

An inquest at Bogbury Town Hall was told how Lady Cissington, of Bogbury Manor, accidentally choked to death while eating a tin of asparagus.

LOCAL MAN SCOOPS RECORD POOLS WIN

The Football League results last Saturday brought joy to one resident of Little Bogbury . . . . . . . . . .

***

Bogbury Gazette, 28 August 1959

Little Bogbury celebrated its annual village fete last Saturday afternoon. This ever popular event was held in the grounds of Bogbury Manor by kind permission of the new owners, Mr & Mrs Frederick Emmet. The fete was opened by the renowned television personality, Lady Isobel Barnett.