Open Writing

My title is borrowed from its most recent use as the slogan from a cell phone network provider’s TV commercial. The thrust of the commercial is that their system has more “connectivity” than their competitors. Their claims may well be true, but I’ll wager that those few words are repeated in real-life with more frequency every minute of every day than any other phrase nowadays.

Whatever limitations cell-phone (mobile) communications may have, I continue to be amazed at the degree of success users have in making a connection at all, based on my military experience of radio communication. Back in the 1950’s, we would go out on a three or four day exercise, with a truck full of radio equipment, and an antenna big enough to whack a power line if we weren’t careful, and not once make contact with our compatriots or our HQ.

Compare that miserable performance with a device smaller than a pack of cigarettes, which has a peanut-sized antenna, and will put you in touch with your nearest and dearest, probably 99 times out of a hundred attempts. Amazing! Despite what they may claim, I don’t believe anyone could have predicted either the rapid development of the technology or that cell phones would have become so pervasive.

And it’s not only the sheer numbers of them worldwide that is remarkable, but the way they have changed how people behave. There is an urgency among cell phone owners that borders on hysteria, and it’s hard to view any group of people without seeing most of them on the phone. Who are they talking to, and why? Back in the days of pay phones, I don’t remember seeing long lines waiting to make that absolutely unavoidable, essential call.

I suspect most calls are superficial and inconsequential. I overhear phone conversations in supermarkets and stores that are along the lines of “Do you fancy salmon or steak tonight? The lobsters look very nice, or we could have lasagna.” Couldn’t the caller be decisive and surprise their spouse with something that hadn’t been discussed at length on the phone? I have even heard callers in department stores trying to determine which floor their shopping companion happened to be in at the time.

At one time, if I heard a one-sided conversation it was startling, and I’d have to turn around to see who was talking to themselves. Now, the only time my curiosity is piqued is if I see someone pacing around, yelling at no one in particular, in the throes of what seems to a schizophrenic frenzy. If I look closely enough, I eventually see a contraption on their ear. Welcome to the world of Bluetooth.

Aside from the content of the phone conversations, the location from which the calls are made is also a surprise to me. I used to be astonished to witness calls being made from taxiing airplanes, despite the admonishments of the flight attendants, but not any more. Recently I traveled by air and was taken aback to see a man using a urinal and a cell phone at the same time! On another occasion, I observed a man repairing a cobbled footpath with a mallet in one hand and a phone in the other. Periodically he’d put the phone down in the dirt so he could hold a chisel, then pick it up to resume the conversation.

I suppose all of this wouldn’t seem so inexplicable and wondrous to me if it were not that my wife and I are such reluctant and inept cell phone users. A lot of the time the battery isn’t charged, the phone is not switched on, or it is buried in my wife’s purse where we can’t hear it. When it does ring we get so flustered that we either drop it, or inadvertently press a button that cuts off the call or converts it to “driving mode.”

My hands are like shovels, so dealing with those ant-egg sized buttons is a real challenge, and as for dialing one-handed with my thumb – forget it. Every couple of years or so our cell phone company offers us incentives to take on the latest up-to-datest phone. What they fail to realize is that we haven’t even come close to mastering the one we have, and constantly refer to the user’s manual. Entering numbers in the “Contacts” list was a major hurdle.

You might get the impression that we’re technically challenged, but that’s far from the case. We’re computer savvy, and have a full complement of gadgets that require us to understand arcane terminology. The plain truth is that we’re not motivated when it comes to making phone calls from a raft floating down the Colorado river, or while on the ski slopes. We figure that whatever the message is that we want to send or receive, it can wait, and wait.

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