Words From Adelaide: Feng Shui
John Powell, with literary tongue firmly in cheek, applies Feng Shui to do-it-yourself furniture.
The origin of Feng Shui, is intensely interesting: it started several thousand years ago although the first authentic teaching appeared in the Shishetsin writings of its third Dynasty period, in which Zharshan, a leading scholar, outlined the basic Bujutin of its principles. Inter-dynastical warfare partly destroyed the learned teachings until approximately a century later they were revived by the traditional Piagin manuscripts in accordance with the spiritual balance of Qi (inner inherent energy-lines of bodily meridians) with the official Analecti of Confucius. This absolutely fascinating history explains why so many are spellbound by its breathtaking, constantly unfolding drama.
To practice Feng shui, the first thing is to know where you are. If this causes difficulty then say the Feng Shui Mantra, in a slow chant, with eyes shut:
‘Wherever you go--- that’s where you are.’
(Note; if you can chant in Chinese it has been found to be more effective. The Chinese translation is:-
‘Wahroovu Ho khan gotoo—Ah so, upyoo too.’
(It is known for short, and usually referred to as the ‘roo-too-yoo-too’).
Its regular practice will bring enlightenment. They say.
At this early stage in your studies it should, and indeed, must be noted, that the correct pronunciation of ‘Feng’ is not ‘Feng’ at all, but ‘Foong’. That is why although pronounced as Foong, it is, logically enough, always written as Feng,. because if you read ‘Feng’ from bottom to top, as the Chinese read, it finishes up as Foong. It is suggested that you try this, although you may be unsuccessful in these early days of your study.
But the whole study of Feng/Foong Shui depends upon the positioning of the house and the furniture. In Feng Shui, first of all you need a back door, and then you have to get a friend to hold it while a house is attached and be sure—a very essential part of this elementary, ‘Sheng Fui,’ (the first embryonic step before its metamorphosis to Feng Shui) is to ensure that the laundry door faces the street. This is to help the postman (mailman) and stops him chucking half the mail on the ground. The reason he chucks half the mail on the ground now, is simply because your laundry door is in the wrong place, at the back of the house and you have not applied Feng Shui positioning to be at the front.
Once the house is built it is necessary to buy some of these ‘do-it-yourself’ furniture kits.
The enclosed instructions will read as:
Das einen kerfumf nicht veshaachenzi ist das zweidewn snitzer.
Or, maybe,
Nonne di valento si impoccino ninny interestimoni
Or, pages of languages in letters of funny designs. At this stage, there being nothing in English, you work from the designs of arrows and dotted lines. (If you are completely bewildered remember to chant your roo-too-yoo-too mantra).
To assemble the do-it-yourself furniture; first, ask the next-door teenager if he could spare five minutes to do it for you. This will save you days, maybe weeks of construction, de-construction, and re-construction work, bordering dangerously on complete destruction.
First, open the packets of screws and count them. There will be two or three short. You will find that, they have dropped and rolled under the couch You may have to use the funny-looking tool and when you discover what it is for you can discard your pliers and the hammer..
You will find in construction that although the screws are of different sizes, it does not matter; pay no attention to them as each fits in every hole. If on completion it wobbles, then a good tip is that sometimes a bit of sticky tape jammed in can help to stop the unsteadiness and the threat of your cup and saucer sliding gracefully overboard.
At this stage the completed article is ready for the application of Feng Shui, about which, by now, you may have well forgotten. (Go back and revise the nail-biting history).
The test of Feng Shui, like Chop Sui, is to decide that you like it. Our final, wise word of advice is to avoid any discussion whatsoever with the Lady of the House, as you aren’t going to win. Wherever she wants to put it then that is where it remains.
Well, maybe you are not yet up to the standard of a ‘black-belt’ in Feng Shui, but you have these guidelines to help you --- and the Mantra to calm you.
