Open Writing

'Earth had not anything to show more fair.' The busy streets, with the red double-decker buses threading their way through the traffic, provided the usual kaleidoscopic view of the teeming life, from the varied humanity in Soho to the free entertainment of the buskers performing alongside the theatre queues: the man standing on his head on top of a bottle; the escaper extricating himself from his chains and the out-of-work actor reciting Shakespeare.

During the air raids at night they disappeared into the underground shelters. There were uniforms everywhere, of every nationality, going into the theatres and cinemas. When the sirens started, a red sign would flash alongside the screen, 'ALERT’, while in the theatres it would be announced from the stage.

Another visual sign of wartime London was the sandbags protecting the entrances to buildings, and the large signs pointing the way to the nearest air raid shelters.

I was going swimming in the indoor pools, which I usually had all to myself, but, being heated, it was warmer in the water than outside in the chill wind. I also went ice skating, where the rinks were still well attended, including, thank goodness, by pretty girls.

Johnson was correct when saying, 'there is in London all that life can afford,' even in wartime. For sheer, free entertainment there was always Hyde Park's Speakers' Comer, which flourished during daylight. There was, as usual, plenty of variety.

A professor with thick, horn-rimmed glasses, warning us of our doom, as forecast in the writings on the Pyramids; politics, all hot and bothered, and for comedy the old regulars with obsessions — the 'stump speakers'. A large crowd always gathered around 'Bible Jack', who would answer any questions with quotations from The Bible.

“Yes, I've got a question, Jack."

"Let's 'ave it, mate, let's 'ave it, yer poor perisher."

"Jack, why is it cruel to stick pins in beetles yet it ain't to sew buttons on a fly?"

"Gaw! Me young cock sparrow," said Bible Jack, pointing a warning finger at the heckler, "Gaw! Yer ain't 'alf in trouble. If yer 'ave to sew a button on your fly, you'd better make yer confession quick, like."

"Why, Jack?" shouted the heckler.

"Because it means yer ain't got any buttons on yer flies and yer can be run in by the Bobbies. It means you've left undone them things what yer didn't ought to 'ave done and what yer ought to 'ave done up."

The crowd roared its approval as Bible Jack, with a cheeky grin, continued, "Ecclesiastes, which yer can't spell and what yer ain't never read, because yer can't bloody well read, yer poor ignorant perisher, Ecclesiastes says, Chapter 3, Verse 7, 'There is a time to rend and a time to sew." So, sew yer buttons on yer flies quick, because Ecclesiastes also says, 'Dead flies cause the ointment of the apothecary to send forth a striking savour', so do it quick, mate, do it quick."

The hecklers, many of them regular characters, were all so good humoured and masters of the quick repartee and now, as the crowd burst out laughing again, the heckler laughed louder than any of them, then, following up his question, added, "All right, Jack, but what about, 'why is it cruel to stick pins in beetles', then?"

"Of course yer can stick pins in beetles", shouted Bible Jack, thumping his stand, "course yer can; Ecclesiastes says, 'Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might', and I tells yer what, if yer don't want to stick pins in beetles, I can soon tell yer another place where you can stick 'em."

It was a lucky thing that Bible Jack preferred Speakers' Corner for his performances, otherwise the comedians of those days, such as Tommy Trinder and the Crazy Gang, would have been relegated to minor places on the billing at the Palladium Theatre. As it was, Speakers' Corner was a serious rival to the Palladium variety shows, with the advantage that it was free: the comedy was endless.

A religious fanatic thumps his small stand: "And the Bible says, "thou shalt not commit adultery", and that means all you fomicators."

" What about you?" shouts a cockney voice, "I sees yer last Saturday night wiv that little bit of fluff down there at Shepherd's Bush. I sees yer wiv me own eyes: I'll tell yer Missis all about yer."

A Canadian airman, unused to the protocol, admonishes the heckler for interrupting, but is quite unprepared for the unexpected result. In a flash, the Stump Speaker turns to the Canadian, "Listen, cousin, if he wants to talk," pointing at the heckler, "if he wants to talk and interrupt me, then he bloody well can."

The air raid sirens start to wail, but it is daytime; nobody leaves.