American Pie: Want To Be Virtually Surprised?
...At a time when social interaction is becoming more and more digitized through email, text messaging, online chat rooms and obsessive cell phone use, the last thing I want to forgo is parties. You know, the real parties, where after a couple of drinks you can talk total nonsense and tell lies to someone you don’t know, who you will never see again. Then again, I suppose you can do that online too...
John Merchant is a long way short of being impressed at the prospect of virtual on-line surprise parties.
As a result of being listed in some directories, I regularly receive news release emails from PR agencies. Most of the releases aren’t relevant to the kind of writing I do, but just occasionally an irresistible little gem will pop into my email in-box. One such item arrived last week, datelined Boca Raton, FL - December, 2007, and came to me from Jennifer Pearson, The Gab Group. The first paragraph secured my attention, as all good news releases should. It read as follows:
“Surprise someone you know today with an online holiday party or personalized greeting with video, pictures & sound. USurprise.com, a unique, new website, picks up where typical e-cards have left off, enabling users to create and host Virtual Surprise Parties that combine video, pictures and sound for any occasion, free of charge.”
What about that? As I anticipated, there was no mention of booze, after all, getting virtually blitzed would really take the shine off the party.
It goes on to say that such parties are “Ideal for corporate co-workers, friends and family.” USurprise.com claims it is the first of its kind and has trademarked the name. The web page apparently allows the host to insert the guest of honor’s name, type of celebration, celebration date and a guest list to which personalized invitations will be sent. All guests, host included, then collectively contribute to this creative virtual card by writing personal messages and uploading photos and videos of their choosing.
At the appointed date and time, the guest of honor receives a discrete invitation to “attend” their own Virtual Surprise party, when they can view the finished product. It seems that the invitation does not allow you to send an avatar in your place if you are not in the mood to party that day. What was also left unmentioned was how this web page will be paid for, since the service is “free.” A fairly safe bet is that USurprise.com will hope to sell advertising, so you can expect your virtual party to turn into a virtual commercial.
My reaction after reading this announcement was one of sadness. At a time when social interaction is becoming more and more digitized through email, text messaging, online chat rooms and obsessive cell phone use, the last thing I want to forgo is parties. You know, the real parties, where after a couple of drinks you can talk total nonsense and tell lies to someone you don’t know, who you will never see again. Then again, I suppose you can do that online too.
I’m willing to take bets that the next virtual experience to become available in the cyber-world will be online weddings, if that hasn’t happened already. Actually, that might be one of the better virtual experiences. If you find you’re not getting along with your digital spouse, all you would have to do is change your password and delete the file – no lawyers, no courts, and best of all, no alimony. The online funeral is also an attractive idea if, like me, you’re not big on interments.
I find the contemporary use of the word “virtual” irritating and frustrating. Just like the word “gay,” it has been corralled by a special-interest group; an eventuality that has robbed the rest of us of its use in the way that some of us were accustomed to using it. It was such a useful word, like “almost,” and “mostly” that you could use when you were too tired or too lazy to be more specific. I mourn the loss of “gay” too. It once conveyed such happy connotations, as in “The Gay Nineties” for example. “Bright and Gay,” the “Gay Gordons” etc. It had a spring in its step and rang with optimism.
Returning to the news release, it ends with an editor’s note informing the reader that “For her 60th birthday in October, former President Bill Clinton helped launch an online birthday greeting site for his campaigning wife, Hillary, whereby visitors to the webpage could contribute their own personal words of cheer and well wishes. The result was an astounding number of messages.” Dare I ask what the messages contained? I’ll bet they made for some interesting reading.
# # #
