Fast Fiction: Face Value
Show a photograph to a chap, and you might find it conveys much more than you expected. Richard Mallinson tells a surprising tale.
I showed him the photograph.
'The face of a right bitch,' he said.
'In my view,' I said, 'she's lovely, delicious.'
'But you're only seeing what you want to see.'
'Ah, you're a cynic'
'Well, I can spot a gold-digger when I see one.'
'And what makes you think she's a gold-digger?'
'Look, if you can't see it, you're either blind or besotted.'
'Yes, perhaps I am besotted.'
'I've never known a photograph have such an effect on anyone.'
'Well,' I said, 'it's certainly had an effect on you . . . It's made you call her a bitch and a gold-digger. Is there anything else?'
He hesitated. 'Yes, in spite of those sensual lips she's frigid.'
'Now, come off it,' I said angrily.
'In my opinion,' he declared, 'you've fallen in love with this woman, purely on the strength of a photograph - and now you want me to find her for you. Am I right?'
'Well, yes,' I said, calming down, 'that's why I'm here. You are a private investigator, after all, and I'm told that you do get results . . .'
'Yes,' he said, 'but it's not often I'm asked to trace my own wife.'
