Open Writing

In the light of ancient cures featured in the news future hospital visiting may take on a whole ‘new look.’

Instead of the proverbial grapes and orange juice, our baskets could be bulging with paw-paw fruits and do-it-yourself acupuncture kits.

A festering transplant wound cured with paw-paw strips; an inflamed hip joint relieved of pain by two matchsticks – sounds like a witchdoctor’s diary, nevertheless it is fact and no doubt a lot of old-fashioned remedies will enjoy a revival following these revelations. Most families have inherited their share of folklore usually well bound in superstitions.

Regarding my vestless state as slightly immoral, my mother often relates that I owe my life to brown paper and grandmother’s ‘rubbing bottle,’ her cure for bronchial pneumonia. From crackly brown paper wrapped around my chest I graduated to Thermogene wadding vests. Its pungent smell not only discouraged bronchitis, but also most of my friends. I only tolerated it because it added size to my unvital statistics, how I longed for them to be vital enough for me to wear a bra.

The rubbing bottle rested permanently in our hearth, a concoction of all the penetrative oils you could acquire. One sniff could cure catarrh from twenty paces. My mother’s hands and a drop from this bottle were a deadly com-bination, her inflammatory massage could pulverise any complaint from a sore throat to a sprained ankle. The only organ that defeated her was my appendix.

I had an aunt whose guide to good health was an oyster bar on Blackpool sands. As a small bucket and spade carrier I used to gaze billiously at what looked like lumps of lime green slime, waiting in their gritty beds to be sucked alive into my aunt’s stomach. Her proud acclamation concerning their restorative properties never fooled me. Considering she had only one kidney left and had also undergone a mastectomy, her claim ‘They clear out your stomach,’ sounded an understatement to my way of thinking.

In the past ‘luck’ played an important part in one’s welfare. A lot of the superstitions sound too far-fetched to be taken seriously today, yet they had a strange habit of coming true. It was considered unlucky to place new shoes on our table. This was a fact – anyone who absentmindedly forgot, received an ear-stinging swipe to prove it!

My father’s mother was the original ‘old wife.’ She could usually find some reason to stop us doing anything interesting. Hair and nails could never be cut on Sunday, whistling women - usually me – were shushed violently, spiders were revered, I still cannot pluck up the courage to murder one. Thankfully she never heard the one about children’s weak bladders being cured by eating three roasted mice! Although I imagine it could be quite effective, I think just a suggestion of this would be efficacious!

Many scoff at the old superstitions attributing them to ignorance and the primitive. But how many of us has not said ‘Bless you’ to a sneeze? It was believed that sneezing forced evil spirits from the body evoking this necessary blessing. Who can resist the temptation to throw spilled salt over the left shoulder? This is where the Devil was supposed to be and a pinch thrown over the shoulder atoned for the evil of wasting such a precious commodity.

Cornelius Vanderbilt, a self-made millionaire whose statue stands outside Central Station, New York, hired spiritualists to get in touch with his dead mother when he was ill. Defying doctors he used the mustard plasters she advised and lived to be eighty-three. Although a powerful character supposedly afraid of no-one he had each leg of his bed set in salt – to keep evil spirits from attacking him while he slept.

Feel as if this winter has been the hardest yet? Take heart, more than 400 years before Mrs Dale, Samuel Pepys was telling his now famous diary, ‘I am now in perfect good health, and though last winter has been as hard a winter as any have been these many years, yet I was never better in my life. Now I am at a loss to know whether it be my hare’s foot which is my preservative, for I never had a fit of the colic since I wore it, or whether it be a pill of turpentine I take every morning.’ Personally I should keep taking the tablets.

‘Spit’ is also considered lucky. We used to spit on green ‘lucky stones’ (among other things) and make a secret wish. Mine were mostly concerned with an evacuee who stayed next door. Unfortunately the war ended before they could all be realised.

In April, 1967 it was recorded that a substance contained in the saliva of vampire bats can dissolve blood clots, which could help thrombosis sufferers.

Since seeing a professional do it, I spit on my palms when I am bowling. I haven’t noticed it brings me much luck yet, unless you count the fact that I have not had to buy many drinks since joining our bowling team. This privilege is reserved for the winner.

The ancient adverts depicting the wonders of ‘Fennings’ whose varying doses can cure anything from flu to diphtheria are taken from an amusing little book, ‘Good things, made, said and done for every Household.’ Printed in 1893 long before the Trades Description Act, the pages are filled with wallet-starving delights like ‘beef steak pie’ for which one is advised to ‘take three or four pounds of beef steak and a pound of bullock’s kidney.’ All are garnished with proverbial and homespun philosophies such as ‘A blunt knife shows a dull wife,’ ‘Too much bed makes a dull head.’ I plucked this unique little gold embossed album from a dusty pile in some junk shop for just a few pence. I find it as interesting and stimulating as any novel, especially the adverts.
The trouble with cookery books is I spend so much time reading them I haven’t any time left to cook.

I suppose manufacturers will now be gathering the paw-paw and set about synthesising the effective healing ingredient – then having done that, trying to improve on it. Dr W Thomson the author of ‘Herbs and Heal’ believes this process may make it dangerously potent. He believes that some of the drugs obtained from herbs are more effective and safer than those manufactured in a laboratory.

I believe modern drugs play an important part in our lives – where would we be without penicillin? But I also consider it a duty to promote good health by feeding our bodies natural foods as fresh as possible and try not to lean too heavily on ‘convenience’ foods. Let us not forget the anti-infection properties of hops. I fortify myself regularly with my own herbal ‘brews.’ This is the time of year to start preparing your Balm and Rhubarb elixir to build up your holiday spirits – so Good Health!