Open Writing

I had always dreaded getting old, and tried to avoid thinking about it; but now that it has caught up with me I find, to my surprise, that old age can be most enjoyable. I had always supposed that this happy state of affairs could be attributed to good luck. But then I kept on meeting miserable old people who didn’t really seem any worse off than I was. So I decided to analyze my lifestyle to see what I was doing differently and I came up with the following seven rules or habits.

Unlike the ‘seven habits of effective people’ these rules won’t make you more successful. In fact, quite the reverse, but perhaps they may make you more cheerful about your ineffectiveness. In any case, by now, you’ve either achieved success or you haven’t. If you haven’t, it’s too late. But you can still achieve happiness. So here are the rules:-

Rule one - Think negatively.

There may be great power in positive thinking, but will it make you happy? I don’t think so. Positive thinking takes a lot of effort, which could be more usefully employed in other ways. Negative thinking comes naturally. It requires hardly any effort at all.

Think of the things you are afraid might happen to you. Try to identify them all, from losing all your money to becoming totally helpless and senile. Imagine worst-case scenarios. Then decide what would be the best thing for you to do in each case. (For instance, if the thought of losing your memory is one of your chief worries, it might be a good idea to write out a list of all your family members in case you forget their names and faces. Put the list in an easily accessible place, so that you can consult it before you visit any of them. (Don’t forget where you put the list!)

Do this with all the things you worry about. Thinking up solutions is much easier than trying to persuade yourself that bad things are not going to happen. Bad things do sometimes happen. That is the nature of bad things. But if you are always prepared for the worst you will be pleasantly surprised when it doesn’t happen. And, then, if the worst does, by some chance, come about, you have the pleasure of saying that it was no more than you had expected.

Rule two - Avoid routine.

Routine is necessary for those who are working in an office or running a business or setting out to make a career for themselves. As you are no longer doing any of these things you don’t need it. You may be used to having a routine and find it comforting, but if you are not careful it becomes too comforting and you become its slave. There is nothing more stifling to the spirit than being a slave. You may not be able to get rid of routine all at once. You will find that routine has a way of imposing itself on your life. Don’t encourage it. Be disorganized. Do everything on the spur of the moment. It wastes time of course, but at your age, why would you want to save time? Without a job and with no family at home, days become long and boring. You don’t want to make them longer, do you?

Rule three - Neglect yourself.

You needn’t go to extremes and sink into sordid decay, but don’t expend much effort on maintaining your health or appearance. Both are bound to deteriorate anyway. You will be fighting a losing battle and losing battles are so depressing. Don’t make time for yourself either. Be at everyone’s beck and call. When you are old they don’t beck and call much - so be ready to drop everything and dash to their aid when they do. Your friends and family will appreciate your willingness even if you are too old to be much use to them. You will feel good about yourself and you can persuade yourself that you are indispensable even though you know you are not.

Rule four -Cultivate insomnia.

Try never to get a good night’s sleep. It is not natural at your age. Insomnia is one of the best things about being old. Lying awake at night is not something to be avoided. It is a lovely time all to yourself when no one interrupts or bothers you. It is a gift that has been given as compensation for all the hours you have had to devote to others during your life. Enjoy it. You can use the time in any number of creative ways. I like to compose bad poetry, but you might like to develop new recipes or knitting patterns or just dream about the past and all the pleasant things that have happened to you. And that brings me to rule five.

Rule five -Dwell on the past constantly.

Live in it. Old people are always being criticized for living in the past. Don’t take any notice. It is just jealousy. The past is the one thing you have more of than other people. Don’t waste it. Make use of it. You have so much past that you can pick and choose which parts you want to live in. Make sure you choose the best bits.

Rule six Learn to talk to yourself.

You will find, as you get older that no one listens to you. People get tired of your stories. However interesting they may seem to you, everyone has heard them before, or believes that they have. If you get into the habit of talking to yourself, you will never want for an appreciative audience. You might like to answer yourself sometimes too. This can be a lot of fun and makes for long and interesting conversations.

Rule seven - Forget about growing old gracefully.

There is nothing graceful about old age. You might as well be disgraceful and have fun.