Open Writing

I guessed I might be away from writing for a short while. I never thought it would be three years though –

Maternity leave isn’t even that long!

So what have I been doing all this time? Well, a journey of self discovery shall we say. Having dinner for two with Life and I haven’t even got to dessert yet. In fact if I’m honest I’m half way through main course and not even attempting to eat or look at the vegetables though I know they’ll ‘be good’ for me. So here we go…

I successfully separated from Mr Practical. Faced homelessness with my two boys, moved house four times, upgraded my car three times, in the first of which my youngest boy aka The Bug Hunter, would delight in cracking the individual ice rinks in the foot wells on frosty mornings. Therefore, wellies compulsory.

In my latest car umbrellas are optional, which is a bit tricky when you’re driving and a tidal wave moves over then through the sunroof. You emerge as though you’ve encountered and only just survived a Monsoon. I’ve had a lot of bad hair days!

The Bug Hunter is still thriving but he’s upgraded his curiosity to all things slimy. We live near a Burn (large stream) which flows under a small troll bridge… I mean stone bridge. Everyday after school off we go armed with fishing nets, various sized containers and my best Pyrex and Tupperware mixing bowls. Oh the sacrifices we make and I’ll need to be extra cautious with my next round of baking that we don’t end up with a Banana and Algae loaf!

The Bug Hunter could spend all day every day there if allowed. In he goes in oversized wellies that come to his knee which he always manages to fill with water and the odd unfortunate fish. Once in position he is stillness itself. If I knew all it took to keep him in one place for a short while was to plonk him in running water with a fishing net, then I would have recreated the river Nile years ago.

As I watch him I see the primal spear fisherman within take over. I am amazed at his concentration, dedication and accuracy. I must inform the school at once! Scoop after scoop the containers are filled with minnows and baby trout.

Only yesterday as I was steadying myself to extract him from the Burn, the Bug Hunter/Avid Angler exclaimed “AN EEL!”

Oh no, surely not. I don’t think I’ve room in the house for anything else aquatic. There are minnows in the back porch, tadpoles in the front, sticklebacks in the laundry, a frog in the bathroom and a baby trout awaiting release…

The eel is proving elusive. I’m relieved about that as I fear sooner or later – at some stage, I shall be sharing my only sanctuary, my bed, with a wriggling, slimy thing that feeds on just about anything.

Now as for The Thinker who’ll be turning ten very soon, he’s still submerged to the neck in books, paper and anything else that he can pour his imagination on to, including spare rolls of wallpaper. I may make use of the wallpaper, in the bathroom perhaps, to amuse visitors while they ‘wait’. The Thinker’s diagrams and explanations on time travel - using an alarm clock, cardboard tube, a fork, some copper wire and the entire electrical output from the National Grid via the kitchen sockets - could have you in there for some time!

He is an avid fan of Doctor Who, so there are contraptions aplenty around the house. The Doctors’ Sonic screwdriver has got nothing on my Sonic Toolbox. I mean really has he got a Sonic socket set (try saying that after a couple of Pinot Grigos) or wait for it… a Sonic plum-line? I don’t think so!

I’m just hoping - no praying - that the fisherman and the electrocutioner don’t put their passions together. If they do it will bring a whole new meaning to the poor creature we currently know as the Electric Eel.
I’m so glad Life didn’t serve me one of those for dinner!

Think I might risk a sidewards glance at those vegetables now…