Ee By Gum Lord!: Jesus is Tempted bi Owd Nick
...Jesus 'ad been i' t' desert fer fo'ty days an' fo'ty neets, livin' on next ter nowt, fastin' — doin' baht, so's 'e could think ower what 'e wor bahn ter do, an' pray abaht 'is mission, like. An' after all this while 'e wor that 'ungry 'e could 'ave etten owt — an' Owd Nick saw 'is chance....
Arnold Kellett, in the language of his home county, Yorkshire, tells the story of the tempting of Jesus.
This story is taken from Arnold's book Ee By Gum, Lord, a re-telling of Gospel stories in Broad Yorkshire. The book can be obtained from a number of Net retailers. Click here to see some of them http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=ee+by+gum%2Clord&meta=
Nah, Ah knaw varry well 'at some on yer thinks 'at Owd Nick's just a bit of a joke.
'Oh, aye. T' Divill', tha thinks, 'Satan. Yon feller 'at stokes boilers dahn yonder, tormentin' t' poor sowls in 'Ell! 'E's a pair of 'orns on 'is 'eead, clowen feet, a forked tail — an' 'e rants abaht wi' an ower-sized tooastin' fork, dammin' an' blastin', an' as ugly as sin ...'
But ther's nowt abaht that i' t' Bible, tha knaws. As a matter o' fact, there's nowt abaht what Owd Nick looks like at all — though i' one place it does say 'e's crafty enough ter dress 'issen up as an angil o' leet... But mak no mistak abaht this: T' Divill is real reight enough. Aye. An' Owd Nick is aht ter get as monny sowls as 'e can — an' 'e even 'ed a go at Jesus ... It come abaht this rooad ...
Jesus 'ad been i' t' desert fer fo'ty days an' fo'ty neets, livin' on next ter nowt, fastin' — doin' baht, so's 'e could think ower what 'e wor bahn ter do, an' pray abaht 'is mission, like. An' after all this while 'e wor that 'ungry 'e could 'ave etten owt — an' Owd Nick saw 'is chance.
'Sither', 'e whispers ter Jesus, 'If tha's 'ungry, all tha needs do is turn yon stooanes inter looaves o' bread. If tha's t' Son o' God, ther's nowt abaht it! An' think o' this. Tha could feed all t' 'ungry fowk, an' tha'd be reight pop'lar!'
Jesus says to Owd Nick: 'It's plain enough in t' Scriptures. 'As ta niwer read yon verse in t' book o' Dewteronomy? Fowk are nut just bellies ter be filled wi' bread. Ther's mooare ter fowk ner flesh an' blood! Iwery man an' woman is a livin' sowl — an' sowls need feedin' wi' sperritual food, wi' iwery word 'at's spokken bi t' Almighty.'
'All reight, then', says Owd Nick, 'but if tha's t' Son o' God, tha can do owt tha' wants. What abaht yon verse i' t' Psalms 'at says t' Chozzen One 'll niwer 'urt 'issen, 'cos t' angils ll allus look after 'im. Nay, tha could even chuck thissen dahn from one o' t' pinnacles o' t' Temple — an' tha'd nut come to onny 'arm! An' just think 'ah flabbergasted fowk 'ould be! Do a merricle same as yond, an' tha'd 'ave thahsands an' thahsands o' disciples!'
'Aye', says Jesus. 'But Ah want disciples 'at foller me 'cos the' believe t' Gospil, nut t' sooart o' fowk 'at's allus wantin' things proved tul 'em. It's luv an' faith 'at matters, Owd Nick. Tha can't win sowls bi puttin' on stunt performances!'
'Aye', persists Owd Nick, 'but Ah want ter show thi summat! Come up 'ere — an' look dahn yonder! From this 'ere mahntin top tha can see so far tha can picture all t' countries in t' world. Nah ... just imagine what a grand an' gloorious thing it 'ould be to belong all yond lot! Millions an' millions 0' disciples — all doin' just what tha wants! Na, listen ter me, lad! If tha goes abaht t' job my way, an' if tha lets me 'ave a bit 0' credit, Ah can gi'e thee all this.'
'Satan!' shahts Jesus. 'Ah've 'ad enough o' thee! As t' Scripture says, there's nobbut One ter bi worshipped — an' that's t' Almighty. Ah s'll nawther serve thee, nor 'earken to owt tha says. So tak thi 'ook, Owd Nick — an' dooan't thee come pesterin' me ageean!'
So t' Divill took is 'ook, an' left Jesus all bi 'issen in t' mahntins, an' off 'e went ter seek other fowk ter tempt. No wonder Jesus taught 'is disciples ter pray ter bi kept aht o' t' rooad o' temptation. E's allus arahnd somewheeare, waitin' ter lead fowk astray, is Owd Nick.
