Open Writing

Tha'll 'ave 'eeard tell o' John the Baptist — a reight character, bi all accahnts, 'oo lived aht i' t' desert, near t' River Jordan. Ah suppooase some on 'em thowt 'e wor barmy, 'cos 'e wore queer clooase med o' camel's 'air, wi' a gurt leather belt rahnd 'is middle. An' does-ta knaw what 'e lived on? Locusts an' wild 'oney! That's t' tale 'at the' telled. Ah reckon it wor locust beans, really — them dried pods, nearly black, an' sugary when yer cracked 'em oppen, 'at wi used ter finnd i' them 'awpenny 'lucky-bags' when wi wer' kids. Nay, reight fair. When yer come ter think on it, mooast o' these 'ere 'oly-men wer' vegetarians — so 'e'd look well, eytin' insects! No. It wor locust beans 'at 'e lived on, wi' 'oney 'e'd ta'en from t' 'ives o' wild bees.

Nah, whether it wor 'cos the' thowt 'e wor a reight barm-pot, or whether it wor cos 'e wor a reight pahrful preycher, Ah dooan't knaw — but gurt crahds o' fowk came ter t' River Jordan ter see John the Baptist. An' when the' got theeare 'e gev 'em a reight grand sarmon or two — an' mooare ner the' bargained fo'!

'Yer mun all mend yer wicked ways!', 'e bawled aht tul 'em. 'Yer mun come an' bi baptised i' this 'ere watter. That'll be a sign 'at yer've turned ower a neew leaf, an' are bahn ter start afresh — an' then t' Almighty can fergive yer sins ... Oh, aye! Ah knaw why yer've come! Y're same as snakes wrigglin' aht o' t' rooad o' God's fiery wrath! But ah'll tell yer this much: it's no use bein' baptised an' sayin' yer've mended yer ways. Yer mun do summat abaht it — an' start ter bi gooid-livin' fowk.'

'What does-ta mean?', the' started axin' im. 'What mun wi do, like?'

'Well', says John. 'Suppoase tha's got two coits, an' tha knaws a poor chap 'at 'asn't got one to 'is back. Tha can start bi givin' 'im one o' thine. An', then, if tha's got plenty o' food, tha can share it wi' fowk 'at's baht a bite to eyt.'

Then some o' t' publicans — fellers 'oo collected taxes fer t' Romans — axed 'im what they should do.

'Tha mun tak nowt but what's rightly dew', says John. 'None o' this ower-chargin' fowk.'

Ther' wor a two-a-thri sodgers theeare, an' all, an' they axed 'im what they should do.

'Tha mun't bi rough an' allus moitherin' fowk', 'e says. 'Tha mun bi fair an' square, wi' none o' this 'ooinin' fowk ter get brass aht on 'em, an' accusin' 'em when the've done nowt wrong. An' another thing: bi content wi' thi wages!'

Well, t' crahds wer' reight sewted wi' this sooart o' preychin'. It wor summat fresh to 'ear plain-speakin'. The' started comin' for'ard in the'r 'undreds ter bi baptised in t' Jordan. John simply ducked 'em under t' watter, an' then lifted 'em up, all weshed cleean, like — ready ter start a neew life.

An', tha knaws, some fowk wer' that ta'en wi' John 'at the' started sayin' 'at 'appen 'e wor t' Messiah.

'Nah, 'od on!', says John. 'Ah'm nooan t' Messiah. Nay. Ah'm nobbut a voice cryin' i' t' wilderness, preparin' t' way fer 'im.. .An' t' one 'oo comes after me is mightier ner me — so mighty 'at Ah'm nut fit ter stoop dahn an' undo 'is mucky sandals.'

'E wor talkin' abaht Jesus, o' course. John knew Jesus well, 'cos Elizabeth, John mutther, an' Mary, Jesus mutther, wer' cousins, d' yer see?

Well, one day, 'oo should turn up ter bi baptised but Jesus. John wor reight ta'en aback bi this.

'Nay, lad', says John. 'Ah can't baptise theel It's t' wrong way rahnd. Ah mun come an' ax thee ter baptise me!'

'Ah mun do what God wants all fowk ter do', says Jesus. 'Ah mun be baptised t' same as iwerybody else.'

So Jesus went dahn inter t' watter o' t' River Jordan. But as 'e comes aht ageean 'e seeams ter see t' sky suddenly oppen up — an' it's as if God's 'Oly Spirit's comin' dahn an' settlin' on 'im, same as a dove. An' Jesus 'ears a voice from up yonder, an' all. It says: 'This 'ere is my well-loved Son — an' Ah'm reight sewted wi' 'im!'

What a grand start fer Jesus an' John! An' what a grand pair o' preychers the'd mak! Sooin afterwards, hahiwer, John wor in a different sooart o' watter altogether — 'ot watter! 'E allus spak 'is mind, did John, even if it meant criticism' royalty ...

Well, 'e'd spokken 'is mind ower t' carry-on when Herod Anti-pas (one o' t' sons o' t' Herod 'at t' Wise Men visited) went an' wed a woman called Herodias. Sh' wor already wed to a brutther o' Herod's, so John telled 'is congregations 'at it wor shameful, 'cos it wor nowt less ner adultery ... No wonder Herod 'ad John arrested an' clapped inter prison.

Nah, because John wor that pop'lar wi't' crahds, Herod dursn't kill 'im. 'E just kept 'im theeare i' t' dungeon. But this 'ere neew wife, Herodias, wor as mad as owt ter see t' preycher 'oo'd called 'er an adultress still alive.

So one day, when Herod 'ad gathered all 'is mates ter celebrate 'is birthday, this Herodias saw 'er chance. After all t' eytin' an' suppin' the' browt on t' dancin' girls. An't' best dancer of all wor Salome, t' dowter o' Herodias. So Herod called 'er up ter t' top table.

'Tha's done champion, lass!' says Herod, a bit fresh like, wi' all that wine 'e'd supped. 'Ah'm that chuffed Ah'm bahn ter gi'e thee a present. Tha can 'ave owt tha wants — even 'awf o' t' kingdom! Sither! Ah've promised thee i' front of all these mates o' mine! Nah, what does-ta want?'

T lass said sh' didn't reightly knaw — but sh'd ax 'er mutther. So off sh' went — an' Herodias 'ad 'er answer ready: 'Tha mun ax fer t' 'eead o' John the Baptist', sh' says. 'Browt in on a gurt big platter.'

Well, Herod wor reight sickened when 'e 'eeard what sh' wanted. But 'e'd med this promise afooare all these fowk sittin' theeare waitin' ter see what t' present 'ould be ... So 'e could do nowt else but call ower one o' t' sodgers an' gi'e 'im orders to go an' cut off John's 'eead.

An' by an' by t' sodger browt this 'eead in ter t' dinner party — carried it in t' same as a dish o' meyt. Just imagine! Then Herod presented it ter t' lass, 'oo went an' 'anded it ower to 'er wicked mutther ...

A sad endin' — an' all because John preyched t' plain trewth. When tha comes ter think on it, summat similar 'ould one day 'appen ter Jesus.