Open Writing

Nah one day Jesus wer' learnin' t' disciples 'is doctrines when one o' these 'ere lawyer chaps comes along — a Scribe, one o' them theeare experts on t' Jeewish law — an' 'e starts axin' Jesus awk'ard questions. 'E wor a sooart of 'eckler, like. Tha knaws t' type a feller it 'ould be.

'Nah then, maister', 'e says. 'Thee tell me t' way ter get to 'eaven.'

Well, that's nooan an easy question to answer — an' some fowk 'ould bi flummoxed by it. But Jesus just turns rahnd to 'im, an' 'e says: 'Nay, lad. Tha's a lawyer! Tha's suppooased ter knaw t' Owd Testament off bi 'eart. What does ta think thissen?'

A bit ta'en back, like, t' lawyer says: 'Well, tha mun luv t' Almighty wi' all thi 'eart an' sowl — and luv thi neighbour same as thissen.'

'That's a champion answer,' says Jesus. 'If tha can live like that, lad, tha'll get to 'eaven.'

But t' lawyer felt a bit of a chump. Jesus 'ad med 'im look that daft — axin' a question when 'e knew t' answer all t' while. So t' lawyer says, a bit sheepish, like: 'Oh, aye? But Ah dooan't fairly understand that bit abaht luwin' mi neighbour same as missen.'

'Na listen, lad,' says Jesus. 'Let mi put it this way ... '

Ther' wor once a chap walkin' dahn t' rooad thru Jerewsalem ter Jerichooa — a varry lonely stretch, tha knaws — miles from onnywheere, wi' nowt nobbut barren rocks — just t' place fer a gang o' thugs ter lig i' ambush ... All of a sudden the' sprang aht from be'ind t' rocks, grabbed 'od o' this poor chap, brayed 'im, pawsed 'im, felled 'im ter t' grahnd, an' ran off wi' all 'is brass — an' the' took 'is clooase inter t' bargin ... An't' blighters left 'im theeare — liggin' in't' gutter, 'awf deead, wi' nut a stitch on — an' gurt big brewses an' wounds, an' blood all ower t' shop.

Nah then, it so 'appened at a preeast wor comin' dahn t' same rooad — one o' t' chaps thru t' Temple in Jerewsalem, tha knaws. Well, this 'ere preeast comes along an' then walks streight past — on t' other side o' t' rooad. He saw 'im all reight. Oh, aye. But 'e niwer let on! Didn't want ter get mixed up in owt, tha sees — an' 'appen 'e wor flaid o' t' robbers, an' all... Well off 'e goes, an' a feew minutes later 'oo should come along but another religious feller. This time it wor a Leeavite — a sooart of assistant preeast, like, another 'oly Joe 'at worked i' t' Temple ... An' believe it or nut, 'e does nowt nawther. 'E just walks past on t' other side o' t' rooad. 'E thinks: 'By Gum! This is a job. But it's nowt ter do wi' me!'

Then along comes a Samaritan. Samaritans, tha knaws, wer' sooart of 'awf-castes, off-comed-uns, really — 'awf Jeew an' awf Assyrian. T' Jeews wouldn't 'ave owt to do wi' 'em. An' this 'ere Samaritan feller 'ould 'a' been well within 'is reights if 'ed said: 'Ellow! This chap's a Jeew. Ah'm nooan bahn ter do owt fer t' likes of 'im. Ah s'll nut lift a finger! 'E'd nut lift a finger t' 'elp me!

But no! When 'e sees 'im, 'e feels reight sorry fer 'im. 'E gets off 'is 'oss, bends ower 'im, cleeans 'is wounds wi' wine, an' soothes 'em wi' olive oil. Then 'e rives off one of 'is awn shirt laps an' bandages t' poor chap up.

'Dooan't thee fret thissen, lad!', 'e says. T next ter no time, tha'll be as reight as rain.'

So 'e sams 'im up, sets 'im on 'is 'oss, and in a bit 'e comes ter t' inn a't' bottom o' t' pass, an' the' spend t' neet theeare.

Next day 'e says ter t' landlord. 'Nah then. Ah want thee ter look after this 'ere chap, an' get 'im reight ageean ... Sither! 'Ere's two silver pieces. If tha spends owt else on 'im Ahll pay thi what Ah owe thi when Ah come back.. Na, think on! Look after 'im.'

'Nah then,' says Jesus turnin' to this lawyer feller. 'Which o' these three wor t' neighbour ter t' chap 'at fell among t' robbers?'

An' — tha'll niwer believe it! — this stuck-up lawyer can't bring 'issen t' admit it wor t' Samaritan! 'E just says: 'Ah reckon it t' wor t' chap 'at wor kind to 'im.' (Wouldn't lower 'issen ter mention 'im bi name, does-ta see?) But t' lawyer didn't 'ave t' last word. No, by Gum! Jesus looks 'im streight in t' een, an' 'e says: 'Off tha goes, lad! An' think on — that's 'ah tha' mun learn to live thissenl'

It's a funny thing, but when Ah read t' story o' t' Gooid Samaritan Ah think o' yon little sayin' 'at the' reckon is t' Yorksherman's motto:
'Ear all, see all, say nowt,
Eyt all, sup all, pay nowt,
An ifivver tha' does owt fer nowt
Do it fer thissenl

Nay. That's all reight fer a bit o' fun. But it's a looad o' rubbish, really. Ah reckon nowt to it. It's far better ter try to luv thi' neighbour same as thissen.

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