Open Writing

This isn't happening! Such a strong denial, yet you know the reality of all that is taking place around you. You do not want to accept that the angel of death has called at your house and taken someone you love. You think, by refusing to accept it you can make it go away. Of course it won't! And the reality hits you like a tsunami wave.

You feel like you have stepped off the earth and onto a planet of unreality. You cease to function as you used to and a numbness creeps over you. A welcome numbness, which sadly, does not last for very long, before a pain like no other you have ever known takes over your body and mind. A pain you know there is no salve to ease. Grief can only follow its own path and take its own time. The paths are many and the time varies considerably.

When you finally feel you must face the world again, you simply do not know if you can do it, or even want to try. I found a resentment building up onside me as I watched other people going around their normal daily tasks

'How dare they? How could they just do their shopping, as if nothing had happened? Could they not see my whole life has changed? Could they not feel my pain?' You wonder if you can ever smile again.

Slowly life takes on a new pace and you find you can indeed function without your loved one to share it with. It is a different path and at first it is not a path of your own choosing, but it is a path and yes, you are walking it.

In your heart you begin to accept you will make it on your own. It is going to be hard, but it is something you must do. Like a person who has lost a limb, can learn to walk again, so will you! The day will come when you will be able to throw away the crutches that you have needed to lean on.

Grieving is a lesson most of us learn as we journey the pathway of life. We learn to treasure our memories and later we learn to move forward and know that although the pain is slow to ease, we were truly blessed to have shared the precious time we did with the one we loved.

© Violet Apted