Open Writing

Never, Never, Never again
Will I ever marry a Yorkshireman
or a Scot
Definitely, positively not!

Subservient women from his birth
Have made him think he rules the earth
High Anglican and pure and white
A veritable Viking knight

Born within this blessed shire
All others are inferior
Conservative with a large 'C'
Despises 'mongrels' mixed like me!

A woman is his rightful chattel
It really gets me rather rattled
To think that I should sacrifice
A good career – not once- but twice

But I was warned without a doubt
You can't live with him – but you won't live without
So if from single state you turn
Then either marry him or 'burn'!

But it was never my plan
To marry a 'Matchless' motorbike man
Besotted by his iron steed
I really do not see the need

To polish frames and spokes and wheels
To plough around in muddy fields
For we'd be better off by far
Sat snugly in our motorcar

But no - must goin drenching rain
Up the hill and down again!
And as for jobs around the house
Forget it with my hopeless spouse

Entrenched upon his mighty throne
He really makes his house his home
T.V. Sound set at full blast
(My choice of programmes never asked)

Entranced, enraptured, by 'Grand Prix'
Il est difficule pour moi
Continuous 'char' just gets my spleen
A sort of 'round-the-clock' canteen

But the thing I most deplore
Is dirty fingers on the door
I wonder what he thinks he's at
Those oily footprints on the mat

Not twice, but thrice – today
Oh! I wish that he would go away!
And so he does
And then – I fuss

In consternation and concern
I prick my ears for his return
And cry and moan
“I do not want a 'showroom' home

I do not want to live alone
Of only he would even try
To be an ordinary guy
But as I've said before

He is a headache not a bore
And heaven knows how much I need
My trusty knight on iron steed
For, to me, he does compare
With Lawrence of Arabia

He's back – he's home – my “Matchless” mate
He smiles and I capitulate.