Open Writing

The world has changed, of this we have no doubt, and for those of us who are 50 and over, the change has been both a blessing and a terror.

I’m sure we can all agree that the freedom for both men and women to have careers is a good change. The plethora of flowers and plants for our yards and gardens is a true delight. All manner of great food menus and cook books that used to be available only to the cooking elite, but which now await even the novice chefs, is a delicious change! Modern conveniences such as the computer, calculator, DVD and digital everything, kitchen appliances, personal gadgets and all manner of electronic wonders fill pages of gift catalogs and bring joy to the recipient of such treasures. Ahhh yes, and Espresso, that wonderful, fluffy $5 steaming hot cup of coffee that used to cost 50 cents and we could make our own foam by blowing in the cup with a straw, now pleases our palate.

But what about manners? Where are we with etiquette? I find myself habitually displaying manners that came from the 30s-50s era. I remember when I was young, girls hardly ever wore pants, only to play in at home, and never in public for school or church. We were taught to sit with our feet crossed at our ankles, knees together, legs slanted to the right or left, with the skirt tucked in around the outside edges to make sure no skin was showing. The hems had to touch the floor when we were asked to kneel down at school for that dreaded 'hemline check'. I have to say I like to wear pants now so that’'s a good change.

Men always held the car doors, or any doors for that matter, open for the ladies to walk through first. People didn't shout out obscenities or point out other people's flaws with inconsiderate malice. No one shouted people down in public debates or discussions, and drivers actually stopped at stop signs, let pedestrians cross the road and at least tried to keep the speed limit. Now, I know there are always exceptions to these observations, but for the most part, we used to actually have manners. What happened to them, and do we even need them anymore?

Nowadays, manners are easy and life is hard. Horace Mann

Are they really? This surely is a quote from the 40s or 50s, because nowadays, life is very hard and manners seem non-existent. The MTV generations who have imitated Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones with his famous declaration that 'Too much is never enough!' seem to have set the tone for our current state of affairs in the manners department. Just watch them drive on the freeway, or cut in and out of traffic on their motor bikes. Watch a few television 'reality' shows and you'll see what has become of manners in America.

A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners. Lord Chesterfield

Well, wouldn't that be nice if it really helped 99% of the people out there who actually care about manners, and find themselves surrounded by people with absolutely no manners whatsoever.

What do you do when you find yourself being made fun of because you actually do have manners, you truly care about being respectful of others and you have the old fashioned expectation of civility in company meetings, lunch break banter, or public service personnel? Don't you just love it when you get that 'What planet are you from?' look when you actually try to be polite.

To succeed in the world, it is not enough to be stupid. You must also be well-mannered. Volatire

I think that about sums up where we have come to today. How sad is it that we are now perceived as weak if we display manners, rather than when manners were a sign of maturity and courage, of thoughtful intelligence and gracefulness.

A man's own manner and character is what most becomes him. Cicero

I like Mark Twain's take on the whole thing:
It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's [ill] manners, but drowning would help.

Thank you!

How attached am I to the idea of manners? If I had to choose between giving up my modern conveniences or giving up my manners, I'd be very happy in a candle lit cabin in the woods.

© Anna Mancini