Open Writing

Planning a holiday with your friend, lover or spouse? Then plan to ask the right questions. Plan to avoid the schism.

Starting with 'Darling what is your objective for this holiday?'

He might say 'To drink as much beer as possible and do some fishing' where you’d been thinking 'First time he's invited me to come away with him, must be planning a dirty weekend'. Of course he is but the dirtiness has more to do with gutting fish than passion. 'Oh!'

We usually just ask 'When can you get leave?' and 'Where shall we go?', but this can lead to true disaster. A holiday fallout is often a big fall-out, difficult to repair. After all, you both have all day to nurse resentments, no distractions and no friends or family to tell you to suck it up.

And the problem was usually predictable, lying there in embryo in the assumptions.

So ask the 'O' question—objectives. Objectives are a much more accurate indicator of what's going to happen than preferences. 'Do you prefer to stay in a hotel or camp?' Doesn’t tell you why. 'Do you prefer a caravan park or bush camping?' still doesn't clarify. You may get the reply 'bush camp,' and picture lying on a deserted beach alongside your obviously romantic partner only to find he prefers bush camping because it's cheaper and he intends to drive into town each day and play the pokies. 'Oh'.

No, you need to start from objectives and to know your own. But the objective of a holiday is to relax, I hear you saying, everyone knows that. Well no, not every time, let's consider these common objectives.

To relax (by lying around a lot)
To relax (by playing the pokies)
To have a break from the office (by being outside 24 hours a day)
To look after my health (lots of exercise involved)
To get a suntan
To improve my ski-ing
To get you into bed and make love for hours or days on end
To see somewhere new
To experience something new
To improve my Italian
To pick up an Italian
To buy antiques
To sample South Australian wine
To sample living in the country so we can decide whether to move there at retirement
To visit the grandchildren
To say I’ve been there
To redecorate the house
To compete with the neighbours
To broaden my mind
To hone a new skill
To put some space between me and the boss and hope she forgets my last blunder
To re-examine my life
To spend quality time with you
To read books I never have time to read at home
To recover from the operation
To replenish the freezer with fish
To dine out a lot
To meet new people
To leave the teenagers alone for a fortnight and see if the survive
To visit my sister
To repair the boat
To make sure I’ve been overseas at least once before I die
To shop

Phew! I'm glad I asked darling, if I’m objective 25 and you're 26, the sand was going to get into my scars.

I was going to have a lot of difficulty with my 22 while you were on 2. We could have gone for 31 and 33 but we wouldn’t actually have been in the same venue. Your 17 would have frustrated my 16. Talking of frustration could we combine your 4 with my 7 . . . ?

There are endless permutations but using the O question may help you to stay friends during and after that holiday.

© Andrea Roberts