Sandy's Say: Saturday Sport
Sandy James tells of the “delights’’ of being the mother of a sporting son.
To read more of Sandy's brilliant columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/sandys_say/
As the rugby game was paused and the writhing schoolboy was stretchered off into a waiting ambulance, I wondered to myself, “Does the term torn anterior cruciate ligament have the same derivative as the word excruciating?”
From this you can tell three things about me: it wasn’t my son on that stretcher, my head is constantly full of words and I find sport dreadfully, mind numbingly boring. Now, to confess to this in a sports mad country such as Australia is tantamount to heresy. So, instead of being labelled sacrilegious and an uncaring mother, I dutifully stand on the sidelines of school sport matches every Saturday. In winter this can be mercifully brief – only an hour or two – but summer is cricket season and this means that I have to keep my mind entertained for a whole day whilst sitting still in one spot. Unsurprisingly many a column for this website has been completely written in my head of a Saturday morning.
Most schools around here are highly competitive when it comes to sport but there are one or two which are better known for their academic ability and seem to be lacking in the sporting department. We were playing one such school a few weeks ago and even I was flabbergasted when I heard their sports master say, “You go and warm up boys. I’ll sit here and protect the bags.”
Exactly what he was protecting the bags from I never did work out. After all, this was suburban Sydney not Soweto or pirate- riddled Somalia. He then borrowed a soccer ball from us and the boys took it across to the basketball court where they practiced throwing hoops. As this was supposed to be a soccer game that they were warming up for I stared at them in bemusement.
The sports master noticed me smiling and he said, “I’m lucky to have a whole team here this morning. Last Saturday the new Harry Potter book came out and only two boys pitched up to sport. When I chastised them on Monday and reminded them that the punishment for not attending Saturday games was an afternoon detention they replied, “It’s okay, Sir, we’ll just sit in detention and read our Harry Potter books.” I could quite see why he had given up.
Traditionally there is a friendly yet fierce rivalry between my son’s school and a nearby Grammar school. Once a year they have a major sporting competition and attendance is compulsory. Almost the whole town turns out and the atmosphere is somewhat tribal with each side cheering and singing loud chants and songs to egg their own team on. This year a cloud hung over the occasion as several cases of paedophilia had recently been discovered at the rival Grammar school. The whole community has been in complete shock at this revelation and it is, of course, no laughing matter. With this scenario in mind, I overheard the sports master from my son’s school say, “Boys, I’m sure that we are all aware of what this week’s newspapers have said. I DO NOT want to hear you changing the words to any songs or making up any ditties about the recent events which occurred at the other school. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, Sir,” they replied in obedient unison.
So, instead of making up songs they proceeded to sing Pink Floyd’s ‘Another Brick in the Wall’ which includes the lines, “We don’t need no education. Hey teacher! Leave them kids alone!”
