Open Writing

'Why don't you get some of that stuff for your hair?' my wife suggested at breakfast one Sunday.

'What stuff is that?' I asked.

'There, in your paper. The advert for the hair-dye for men.'

'I don't think so.'

'Why not?'

'Men don't dye their hair.'

'Don't be ridiculous! Of course they do. I know plenty of men who colour their grey hair.'

'This man doesn't colour his hair!' I harrumphed and turned the page noisily to indicate I considered the matter closed.

Wife re-opened the subject when we came together again at lunchtime. 'You'd look ten years younger if you got rid of the grey.'

'It's not going to happen.'

'You wouldn't like to look younger?'

'Not particularly.'

'But you like me to look younger.'

'Not specifically. I do think you look lovely but dyeing your hair was your choice.'

'I did it for you.'

'I doubt that.'

'What do you mean, you doubt that? Who else do you think I do it for?'

'Yourself.'

'Believe me, if it was just for me, I wouldn't bother. Just like my make-up. You think I do that for myself, too?'

'Yes, I do.'

'You're wrong. It costs money, takes time to apply and is hot in summer.'

'So stop wearing it. I'll still love you.'

She had applied make-up when we met for pre-dinner cocktails.

'You look lovely,' I told her.

'Thank you. I did it just for you.'

'No, you didn't. You did it because you want to look pretty. If some space craft were to descend from the skies and whisk me away, you would still dye your hair and put on make-up.'

'No, I wouldn't. If you weren't around to see me, I wouldn't bother.'

'Balderdash! You put on make-up to go to the cinema and sit in the dark. You re-apply lipstick when we've finished a meal in a restaurant and are about to come home.'

'Of course I do. I want to make myself presentable at all times. You wouldn't want to be seen with a frump, would you?'

'You wouldn't be a frump. You'd merely be a beautiful woman with natural hair and a clean face.'

'My natural hair is grey, in case you hadn't noticed.'

'I've noticed. There's nothing wrong with grey. It makes one look distinguished.'

'That's fine for a man but . . . '

'QED, my dear . . . quad erat demonstrandum.'

© Peter Lingard