Open Writing

The Universal Record Database (URDB) is a child of the Internet. It’s a collection of videos and photos posted on http://urdb.org showing the setting of world records for questionable accomplishments such as “Most American Quarters Fit Inside A Nose” (18), or “Most Pairs of Underwear Worn On The Head At One Time” (21). The record holder of “Fastest Kazoo Rendition of ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star’” (3.84 seconds) established it on October 18, 2009, edging out the five previous records holders who’d also set their records that day. Apparently bars across the country organize events to video any conceivable record, from “Most Consecutive Golf Ball Bounces Between A Flat Head Hammer And A Ball Peen Hammer (134) to “Largest Nose Hair Collection” (584, “and growing”).

The “Frequently Asked Questions” section of the URDB webpage distinguishes its efforts from that of Guinness World Records, who require that record attempts be witnessed by official “adjucators”. According to their website, the “URDB relies on a community approval method that takes faith in its members to witness, document, and vote on records in an honest and accurate manner.” So prospective record setters score higher by providing good documentation of their attempts. For example, when Russell Kingery wanted to prove he has the widest tongue in the world (3 inches), he proved it with a photograph that showed a ruler measuring his formidable glossa.

Filming such stunts, and distributing and viewing them worldwide, would be prohibitively expensive without the Internet. But you still have to know how to use a computer to get there, and quite a few people of a certain age have managed to avoid getting involved with computers: never used one, much less owned one. However, every week the library’s reference staff help people who need to submit a form or application, have to do it through email, don’t have an email account, and don’t know how to make a computer do its thing.

Should you, or someone you know, find yourself in this boat, a good place to get familiar with computers is at http://tech.tln.lib.mi.us/tutor/welcome.htm, a free website that draws on computer tutorials developed by several large library systems in the USA. It’s obligingly user-friendly and will get you familiar enough with computer basics.

Big Screen Live is another tool computer newbies might consider. It’s commercial, rather than free, and its website, http://bigscreenlive.com, offers software that “takes over the entire screen on your Windows PC … we provide you with an easy-to-use interface which lets you do the most popular things people do with computers.” In other words, when your computer is running Big Screen Live, seven large, colorful buttons appear on the left side of the screen, each of which simplifies getting to a basic function like sending email, surfing the Internet, sharing photos, online shopping, and, of course, playing games. It’s described in detail, along with numerous other innovations in communication technology, in an October 29, 2009 NY Times article by Eric Taub titled “Helping Grandpa Get His Tech On”.

When it comes to cell phones, smart phones, and those sorts of gizmos, I fear I tend towards Ludditery, but I may have to rethink my avoidance of such devices after reading a National Geographic article from last month describing a study that showed that “long-term exposure to electromagnetic waves associated with cell phone use may protect against, and even reverse, Alzheimer’s disease.” Apparently studies of mice showed that the electromagnetic waves reduce brain deposits of beta-amyloid plaque that’s a hallmark of Alzheimer’s.

After a while, aging’s no fun, but I found solace in another recent NY Times article, this by David Brooks and titled “The Geezer’s Crusade,” in which he points out that “researchers have found that the brain is capable of creating new connections and even new neurons all through life.” As General Douglas MacArthur noted, “You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair.”