Sandy's Say: Kindergarten Logic
..."My dad keeps praying to God to make us rich,'' piped up Felix," but nothing has happened yet and Dad says that God must have bloody wax in his ears."...
Oh the things children say! Sandy James brings us choice samples of their wit and wisdom in this delicious column.
For more of Sandy's guaranteed-to-entertain words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/sandys_say/
"It's not the World Cup. It's the Men's Cup,"* an exasperated Jasmin Brierley is reported to have said to her mum in the kitchen as she came downstairs and found her grandfathers, father, brothers and uncles still shouting and drinking beer in front of the television for the fourth day in a row. Jasmin may only be seven years old but she is innocent enough to voice what so many of us women and girls are thinking this week as the world goes soccer mad.
It reminded me of a similar scenario way back in 1991 when the Persian Gulf War broke out. At the time I was running a day care business from home and I was responsible for several children. In the afternoons we would habitually have a snack in front of the television, watching Playschool. The children were disappointed when I explained to them that due to the constant coverage of the war, there would be no Playschool for awhile. We found other things to do that week but by the third day three year old Samantha had had enough. "Is that war STILL on?" she spat out with great frustration, making it very hard for me not to laugh.
Through the years I was privileged to be included in the children's conversations and I was often struck by their original views on the world. "Do you know, Sandy", announced Jack, "that some adults drink even when they are not thirsty." This was a revelation to him and I didn't spoil it by letting on that I'd been in on that secret for a good many years already.
Then there was Andrew with, "Why does my dad think that I've done something naughty until I show him that I haven't done anything wrong? My mum is the opposite. She thinks I'm always good unless she sees me do something bad right in front of her?"
"Yeah," agreed Felix, "with dads you have to be good at sport and stuff but mums just love you even if you don't do ANYTHING at all."
"That's because dads and boys have to be hard and soft (i.e. tough and sensitive) but ladies and girls can just be soft and they don't have to fight," explained Andrew. I was learning about the five year old, male perspective on life, first hand.
Jack changed the conversation by telling us that his older brother had come home the day before in tears because he hadn't got a part in the school nativity play. This surprised me as it was my experience that a school nativity play can have as many shepherds and angels as needs dictate.
"Didn't he put his hand up to be a shepherd or a wise man when the teacher asked all the children?" I enquired.
"Nope," he replied. "He didn't put his hand up at all because he was waiting for the part of God to come up and it never did."
"My dad keeps praying to God to make us rich, "piped up Felix," but nothing has happened yet and Dad says that God must have bloody wax in his ears."
"Felix!" I reprimanded him." 'Bloody' is a rude word and we must not use it." I couldn't find it in me to explain about blasphemy at the same time.
"Yes," chimed in Jack, "it's a naughty word like 'wee' and 'poo'."
With this daring utterance of inevitable child toilet humour they fell about laughing.
"No", I tried to explain. "'Wee' and 'poo' are not swear words. If you need to use them then perhaps you can use more grown up words like urine, faeces and manure."
"Oh no, Sandy, I can't possibly do that, "Andrew replied most emphatically."You see, we don't speak French in our family."
*Sydney Morning Herald, Opinion, 14/06/10
