Here Comes Treble: Alone At Last
Isabel Bradley tells the hilarious tale of Leon’s not-so-lonely loo.
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Many years ago, my husband Leon was prospecting for copper and associated minerals in Namibia, then known as South West Africa. He employed a team of local workers, men of the Herero, Damara and Ovambo tribes, also Xoi San or Bushmen. Tents, bedding, a Land Rover, a motor cycle, maps and an array of scientific instruments were the tools he needed to perform his duties. He and his men drove off into the sparse bush of the desert, where they lived for months at a time, following their prospecting lines.
After setting up camp, he would instruct the workers to dig a latrine pit at a site chosen by Leon for its magnificent, eye-stretching views. The pit would be deep and as narrow as possible at the top; saplings, cut from nearby trees would be arranged over the pit; these were usually fairly thin and flexible. On top of this web of saplings they would place an open-topped wooden box, crowned with a genuine toilet seat. Lo and behold, Leon’s loo!
On one occasion, he chose a particularly beautiful spot at the foot of a knoll, on the other side of which the camp was set up. There was a glorious view of pink and gold scrub desert on three sides.
When digging this pit the workers were particularly enthusiastic and it was wider and deeper than usual. As a result, the web of saplings was more flexible than usual and bounced alarmingly when walked upon, as had to be done to reach the throne at the centre.
The camp was finally set to live in. While the workers roasted a young warthog over an open fire for supper, Leon took a book and made his way to his loo. Bouncing across the saplings was a feat of balance equal to that of a tight-rope walker. Eventually, he reached the centre-point safely. Then he had to turn and prepare himself before finally sitting on his throne, the whole contraption swaying alarmingly.
He sighed with relief, and gazed out over the empty dunes.
At that moment, a donkey-cart, filled with fascinated faces, drove slowly past, just 100 yards away. Its occupants gazed, wide-eyed at the half-naked white man, and waved merrily as they disappeared into the distance…
It seems that one is never truly alone in this world.
Until next time…. ‘here comes Treble!’
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by Isabel Bradley
