Open Writing

'Ah, good morning, er, Reg ... do sit down . . . Coffee? No? You won't mind if I ... What about one of these small cigars, eh? No? Well, I'll just... ah, that's good. First of the day . . . Now, er, Reg, so it's the annual pay round again. It does seem to come round, ha, ha, to coin a phrase, pretty often, doesn't it?'

'Well, erm, only once a year, Mr Okaster, if you don't mind me saying - '

'Hm, yes, I suppose you're right, Reg . . . And how long is it you've worked for Okaster and Co? Getting on a bit, I'd say - 20 years, or thereabouts?'

'Twenty-five, Mr Okaster.'

'Hm, well, I never thought I'd see the day when you'd end up as a union man, Reg - I mean as a union spokesman, or whatever.'

'Well, erm, they sort of voted me into it, Mr Okaster. I never set out to - '

'No, no, of course not, Reg . . . Now, where have we got to?'

'I don't think we've started yet, Mr Okaster. I was just about to, erm -'

'Yes, yes, you're right, Reg. Just testing. Now, what did you have in mind?'

'Well, we sort of debated at a meeting, Mr Okaster, and voted, taking, erm, inflation and all that into account, and considering the overall, the overall, anyway, we agreed that a rise of 3.75% wouldn't be, erm, out of line in the circum -'

'Hey, wait a minute, Reg. . . 3.75%! . . . Good god, man, are you trying to bankrupt us ... That sort of money doesn't grow on trees . . . It's not easy, you know. Sales down, overheads up ... Good god, who'd want my job . . . And the moment we ask for a change in working practices all you lot do is down tools and bugger off out ... Now, I'll tell you what, Reg, I'm going to meet you halfway -1.25%, final offer. . . Hey, you drive a hard bargain, Reg, I'll say that for you.'

'Erm, what? Oh, thank you, Mr Okaster. Yes, thank you very much.'