Open Writing

'And finally, Mr Haversall, is there one achievement in particular which you, er, achieved while in government, having held various high offices, as we've already, erm, that makes you feel especially proud to - ?'

'Well, Randy, I think I have as much humility as, urM, the next man, but - '

'Ah, that just happens to be me, Mr Haversall, and I don't have very much.'

'Ho, ho, that's quite amusing, Randy . . . Now, where was I . . . ?'

*

'How did the interview go, darling? When will it be on?'

'It's on Tonight At Nine . . . urM, tonight... It was awful, bloody awful.'

'Now, now, darling, not as bad as all that, surely?'

'Couldn't have been worse. And that Randy Frick, or Prick, or whatever his name is, just kept, urM, breaking in - didn't listen to a word I was saying.'

'Oh, surely not, darling . . . And what in fact were you saying?'

'Well, for instance, I mentioned the contribution I'd made, when, urm, I was at the home office, to redefining the parameters of... oh, urm, you'll hear it all tonight.'

'Assuming they haven't cut it, darling . . . Oops, sorry.'

*

'How much of your interview with old Haversall shall we run, Randy?'

'If I were you I'd scrap the bloody lot. Talk about boring. But you're in charge, it's your decision. Actually, there's one bit I like. It's where he confesses he'd once lost his, er, erm, thread in cabinet and been ticked off by the prime minister.'

'Yeah, that sort of made me grin, as well.'

Then why not bag it for tonight's tailpiece and, er, just ditch the rest?' 'Eh? Use 15 seconds of a 15-minute interview? That's cool editing, man.'