Open Writing

It’s a curious phenomenon that the way we greet each other has gone through so many changes over millennia – from “Hail Caesar” with arm extended, to the simple, upheld hand, palm facing out, of the American Indians, to today’s complicated rituals. Popular theory has it that hand shaking originated in England, as a means of determining whether a person was carrying a concealed weapon up his sleeve.

I can’t quite buy that, if only because the voluminous clothing of the time offered plenty of places, other that one’s sleeve, to hide a weapon, but I have no alternative to offer. And in any case, whether an assailant was right or left handed, I’m sure they could stab someone effectively with either hand.

Whatever the reason, shaking hands has endured to this day across many cultures, but has evolved in many ways.

The African Americans and black Africans have their own arcane handshake rituals, which involve a sequence of fist bumping, thumb gripping and palm slapping that I never have got the hang of. The “High Five” has become the norm for sportsmen and women, and then there are the contrived handshakes with which members of the various secret societies identify each other on first meeting – the Freemasons, Knights of Columbus etc.

In the past 10 years or so, I have noticed gradual changes in American greeting rituals. Now, more people hug and even kiss, whether they be women or men, but not on first acquaintance. I’ve been trying to figure out the protocol, but haven’t yet been able to clarify for myself at what point in a relationship one should stop shaking hands and start hugging and kissing.

This often results in some nervous and jerky hand and arm movements, and lip pursing. It’s a little like when you receive a Christmas card from someone to whom you just sent one, which leaves you wondering whether the only reason is because you did it first. All this hugging and kissing probably entered the mainstream of social exchange through our exposure to celebrity affairs on TV – the Oscars, the Golden Globe Awards etc.

As a keen observer of body language, I have noticed that when people exchange the greeting hug, those who don’t particularly care for the custom, or are not well-disposed towards the other party, signal this by patting their back rather than maintaining contact. It’s as if they’re saying, “Don’t read too much into this.”

Americans, though a friendly bunch of people, were not particularly effusive in their exchanges until a few years ago, other than the mechanical “Have a great day,” or the southern “Y’all come back now.” My perception is that this changed about the time people started to purchase goods and services over the phone, and more so as Internet transactions became more common, especially calls to the customer support people.

Coincidentally, I started to hear “This call may be monitored to ensure customer satisfaction” before each phone conversation, indicating that employees were being trained to be civil and helpful. Gradually, this began to spread into daily life, so by and large, people became friendlier and more considerate, except for a few Neanderthal hold-outs who persist in letting the door swing back in my face.

Just before the economy took a dive, retail stores were taking up the “Be nice” movement, and when their business started to decline, embraced the philosophy with gusto. There was a time when you could walk into a large department store and have to hunt down an employee so you could pay for your shopping. Looking lost and bewildered was no guarantee that someone would come to your aid.

Now, more often than not there is someone close to the entrance who will greet you and welcome you to the store, and ask if you need help in finding something. Early in the week, when staffing is light, I have had employees walk across several departments to ask if they can help me. They are pleasant and not in the least pushy.

I’m sure they feel better about themselves, and they certainly make me feel happier I came to their store. I hope the new practice will stick, and not wither away when business gets better. Also it would be wonderful if the “Be nice” movement found its way into the ranks of the driving public, but that’s probably a forlorn hope.

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