Lest It Be Forgotten After I Am Gone: The Tragedy Years - 3
...During her final days in hospital, as she became weaker, she was barely able to speak and was living on pain-killing drugs. Almost her last words to me were "I want to go home"....
Raymon Benedyk gives a moving account of the loss of his beloved wife, the end of a 50-tear marriage.
We still managed to fit in our social and family life and enjoyed our grandchildren, although they were now growing up and becoming their own persons, not requiring grandparents as much as they had done in the past. We also had some wonderful holidays and cruises from which we always took some splendid photos as souvenirs. In the year 2000, we went on a magnificent cruise to the Norwegian fiords, getting as far as Spitzbergen, which is well within the Arctic Circle and only some 400 miles from the North Pole. That was exciting.
We also took a wonderful trip to Israel and Jordan, where we took the opportunity to go to Jerusalem as well as Amman and Petra and, in the Autumn, we went on a coach trip to northern France to visit several chateaux and other places of interest, as well as Paris. Unknowingly we were packing in as much as possible as if it were to be our last opportunity to do such things together again.
Elsa and I were outwardly well and seemingly content with our lot. A successor for Elsa as Lodge President had agreed to take over from her at the coming lodge AGM in 2001, and we were looking forward to some pressure being taken off our lives. However, by November 2000, Elsa began to have some discomfort in her abdomen and, at first, continued our way of thinking that any indisposition would soon disappear with the minimum of fuss if you leave it alone. However, it became evident that it was not going away this time and a visit to the doctor was a necessity. At the end of November the doctor advised an examination by a specialist. When this took place in mid December, the problem was diagnosed as a tumour on her ovaries that needed to be removed. As the specialist was due to be away over Christmas and New Year, the operation was delayed until his return, and scheduled for January 3rd 2001, and we planned our lives over the intervening weeks accordingly.
Several lodge commitments and events had already been arranged, over which Elsa was due to preside, and she did so without anyone realising her discomfort. The outfits she wore on these occasions were mainly skirts with loose fitting tops, which covered the fact that in many cases she could no longer zip up the skirt, which required being held up with the use of safety pins because that area of her body was so bloated. Nevertheless, she continued, in pain and discomfort gradually becoming more and more disabled until I could see that I would not be able to take her to hospital in my car for her operation, and arranged for an ambulance with experienced handlers to collect her the evening before.
The operation initially did appear to relieve the majority of the discomfort, the growth we were told being the size of a football. However, we were also told that because of its size it had adhered itself to some internal organs that could not be touched, and that in consequence parts of the tumour had remained. Nevertheless, we were assured, these would be eradicated by chemotherapy.
Unfortunately it wasn't that easy and, after only three sessions, when it was realised the treatment was having no effect, these were discontinued. Other 'chemical cocktails' were tried but also without success and the inevitable was on the horizon, although not recognised at the time, or even realised as a possibility, survival always being assumed to be the end result.
Elsa gradually grew weaker and by mid-March, whenever she came home from hospital, our sharing a bed only gave her more discomfort since she needed the full width of our double bed at night. I moved on to our settee. I set her up with a moveable signalling device to call me whenever she required assistance during the day or night, and I kept a diary of the time and quantities of the various medications she was required to take.
Although Elsa did not want visitors, several well-meaning people did pop in from time to time with little gifts of special so-called healthy foods, potions, flowers or 'smellies' in an attempt to give her some comfort. I also prepared whatever food she had a wish for, which was precious little. From being quite a well built lady, and I don't think she would object to my calling her that, towards her end she lost about half her weight. It was shocking to see.
During her final months, although unable to go to lodge meetings any longer, she continued her role of lodge President, keeping her finger on the pulse of things, ensuring that every aspect was properly dealt with, that correspondence was answered, that meetings were correctly reported in the Minutes that were produced in her absence, and that the monthly Newsletter was published on time without a break, with her own input drafted, vetted and approved by her before distribution. Even when she was unable to make her final address personally at the lodge Installation ceremony as the outgoing President some six weeks before she died, she ensured that her recorded message was relayed to those assembled at that gathering.
During her final days in hospital, as she became weaker, she was barely able to speak and was living on pain-killing drugs. Almost her last words to me were "I want to go home". So I arranged for her to be transferred to a hospice near our home, but unfortunately on Saturday 9th June at 2.00 pm she died in my arms the day before she was due to make the journey. This wise, vivacious woman who had been my guiding light for 50 years was gone and I was devastated.
